The girl in the mirror

Have you ever looked in the mirror at yourself and thought "That's not me"?
I know it sounds weird. Bizarre. But hear me out.

I see myself and I have this strange feeling that the girl in the mirror, trying desperately to make her eyeliner look good, just isn't me. It's like...I see her, I control her, but it's not me. But the thing is, I KNOW it's me. Because, obviously, I feel with the girl in the mirror. I see with the girl in the mirror. I *am* the girl in the mirror. But at the same time, I feel that I'm not.

Does this make sense?

No? That's what I thought.

The first picture is me Freshman year. So, a little over two years ago. The second picture is from about a month ago. Now, I know I don't look *that* different. But...I look different. Glasses: gone. Teeth: In the process of straightening out.(Braces. Bleck). Hair: Waaaaaaay different. I know how to make it look good now. ;) Even my makeup is different.
My point with this picture is that I've changed. And usually someone who has changed a lot can relate to the person they used to be more than they are now. But that's the thing. I feel like both girls in that picture aren't me. Isn't that weird. Yeah, not "both pictures of me" but "Both girls". I feel like neither is me.

Maybe I realize that the world expects less of me than I'm capable. Maybe I realize that God sees me differently than the world does. Maybe I realize my potential. Maybe I see the person I am inside, rather than the girl I am outside.
But maybe I see my personality.
My personality is...gah. Horrible. Think of the craziest person you know(besides me). Now the most random. Now add a bit of rudeness. And throw in some inappropriate jokes. You have me. Partially. Now you have to remember that I'm also inconsiderate, and mean. So add all this together and you have a vague idea of how I act. I'm not a slut, which is probably the best thing I can say.
I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see the the braces. Or the years of hair dye. Or the ocean in my eyes. Or my dry skin. I look at myself in the mirror and I see the girl I am inside. And if I looked on the outside like I do on the inside...it wouldn't be pretty.
I mean, I understand that some people find me kinda pretty. By the worlds standards, sure why not? I'm thin. I keep my hair maintained. I have relatively nice skin. I have kinda spectacular eyes(probably the only thing that isn't subjected to just this time). But if my inside was reflected to the outside, people wouldn't give me a second look. And if they did, it would be out of repulsion.

I look in the mirror, and I'm disappointed. I wish that I looked like ME.