The problem with Sherlock...

The best shows in the world are British shows.

Doctor Who

Downton Abbey

Sherlock 

Fawlty Towers(Don't judge me...)

I'm aware that there are more, but I haven't gotten around to watching them. If I left your beloved British show out, don't kill me.

Sherlock is amazing. I'll start by saying that, so all the Sherlockians will put away their guns and listen for a minute.

I was told by multiple people to watch Sherlock. Much like when I started watching Doctor Who, I resisted everyone's requests, because I was like "I don't need another show". Well...I watched it. With high expectations. Which were NOT disappointed. HOWEVER, I see one problem to this show.

There are 3 episodes in each season, with only 2 seasons. 6 episodes. Besides the fact that I would've liked more time to drool over the awesome that is this show, it left me with almost no emotional attachment to the characters. Even though each episode is an hour and a half long, I didn't feel as attached to them as I felt I should be. And don't kill me for saying this, but I didn't cry at all during the last episode. 

I wanted to. I felt emotionally upset, but not enough to make me want to cry.

I have a heart, people. I cry all the time. I just didn't feel attached enough to the characters. If Moffat had made 6 45 minute episodes per season, I probably would've felt more attached. "It's the same amount of time!" you declare, brandishing your pitchforks. I think that part of the problem here is that the episodes were so long so you could get to know the MYSTERY more, rather than getting to know the characters more. By shortening the episode, you can't put as much information into the mystery, and the emphasis is put on the character. I'm not saying that you don't get to know the characters, stop making assumptions about me. You do, but not as well as I would've liked. MAYBE the show wouldn't be as good if the episodes were shorter. I don't know, I'm not Moffat. 

My heart wrenched when Watson stood over Sherlock's grave(SPOILERS) and said, "Don't be dead" and I screamed and felt like throwing my iPod across the room when I saw Sherlock standing at the outskirts of the cemetery(SPOILERS). I felt emotions, but it felt like everything happened a little too fast. You didn't have enough time to know Sherlock, or understand Watson, or begin to comprehend their relationship. SO much happens between episodes, as they imply, and you're like, "WHY DIDN'T YOU MAKE THAT INTO AN EPISODE!?" Why Moffat, Why?? I know you're reading this. Apologize.

I love the series. Please, I'm serious, put away your clubs. 

I blame Moffat for this problem.

Bet you didn't know...

1. My best friend is my puppy.

2. I like to stick my magic wand out my window as I drive and yell spells and curses at pedestrians.

3. When Someone Like You by Adele comes on the radio, I roll down the windows and blast it, no matter the weather.

4. I know almost every word to Thriftshop. I like that kinda music. 

5. I secretly like One Direction. Guess it ain't much of a secret anymore...

6. I cry a lot.

7. I sometimes like math...

8. I would rather be sitting in a pool of my own sweat than have it be cold.

9. I have a weakness for Easter Candy. 

10. A compliment on my appearance will make my day.

11. I dye my hair because I'm insecure.

12. My mother is one of my very best friends.

13. If I forget to put earrings on in the morning, my day is ruined. (Sorta)

14. I love Jenna Marbles.

15. I hate cats and most small dogs. Like, almost every one.

16. I spend most of my time WISHING I was eating.

17. I am not afraid to make an absolute fool of myself in public.

18. I get really proud if I can do more pushups/situps than a guy.

19. I'd rather watch Doctor Who with my five year old brother than with anyone else.

20. I watch Pretty Little Liars...and this I'm somewhat ashamed of...

21. I have insomnia.

22. I like Jack Johnson.

23. I like The Red Hot Chili Peppers.

24. I'd rather eat a hamburger without a bun...even if a gluten free bun is available.

25. Some of my favorite clothes are ones that I've made/altered.

Peace out, homies. Enjoy your tuesday. 

Sacrifice for love

There are a lot of things in life that can't be explained. I'm an explainer, or a fixer. I like to make sure everyone fully understands things, is totally prepared, before they begin something.

Because of this innate tendency, the last week has been especially hard.

Sometimes you're faced with a decision so immense, so crucial, that the weight of it keeps you up at night sobbing, the air in you lungs feels strange, like it shouldn't be there, and you can only think, "someone else will come take this responsibility."

But no one does. It's part of growing up. There comes a point in your life when you can no longer expect those responsible for you to take on your burdens and make your decisions for you. There comes a time where you have to go beyond what you're capable.

This past week, I had to make the hardest decision of my life. It's a decision that's been eating away at me for months. Almost a year. It's been a constant battle inside of me. Do I do the obviously RIGHT thing, or do I do the easier thing? The right thing causes pain for multiple parties. The easy thing causes no pain for me. But it causes a great deal of pain for someone I care deeply for.

This past week I put the inner battle aside and faced my fears. My fears of loss, of being hated, and abandonment.

Friday morning I had the hardest conversation of my life. I said things I didn't want to say. My brain was SCREAMING. at me to shut up. To say, "April fools everything is fine". But I couldn't. A conversation quickly went from "How is it being a new adult?" to "this is really serious". As I hung up the phone I was holding back tears, my mom hugging me as I gave in and started sobbing. She assured me that I'd done the right thing. I knew I had, but you just feel so bad. I betrayed someone's trust so utterly and completely, as a trade for their safety. Safety they didn't know they were missing.

Moments after I'd calmed down, my greatest fears were confirmed, the effects had started, the hatred set into place. My mom had turned around for a moment, to put away laundry. I fell to the ground, a choked scream escaping my throat, the tears coming down my face in a waterfall.

I cried the rest of the day and into the night.

This was a very painful experience. Although I wish I could change the outcome, I don't regret the decision I made. Because I *know* that I was put in this persons life for a reason. Not only as a source of comfort, for the both of us, over the past few years, but to save her. To save her from the fate that was waiting her. To be her only friend brave enough to put my foot down and say, "this isn't okay".

I lost my best friend on Friday. And not a day has gone past that I don't break down in tears. There is nothing I have ever done that's harder, no one I've mourned over more, than my best friend.

Sometimes we have to make hard decisions. A decision to put aside the comfort of a friendship for someone else's well being. To say, "I love you more than me. I love you SO much that I'll sacrifice my happiness for yours." And sure, that happiness isn't immediate. But it's coming.

There is nothing worse than the loss of your best friend. Ever. To know that there is ONE person on the planet that you could say ANYTHING to, and not get judged, the one person you don't compare yourself to, the one person you love more than yourself, to know they hate you...it is the most heart wrenching feeling.

Sometimes there are decisions that seem impossible to take on. Decisions so immense that you scream for someone to lift them off. But once you stop AVOIDING that decision, the ball begins rolling. Things begin changing, improving. And someday down the road, I hope with all my heart that she can look back and say, "I am so grateful for what she did for me." And hey, if she can't, I don't blame her. But I know that I've done what I can to make her life better and that's all I can hope my friends would do for me.