I was having a conversation with a close friend last week and self-esteem came up. Before I moved to Utah I had a pretty convincing persona of being confident. And then I moved and that persona was shattered. Hey, I'm a teenage girl. Do you really expect me to be happy and confident all the time? If you do, you can please go give yourself a bath in the toilet.
This friend and I got pretty deep into self-esteem. And by this, I mean he got pretty deep into self-esteem and I listened, because I have a super hard time opening up to people and conversing about important things before I trust them a whole hecka lot. But I'm super good at listening, so it all works, ya know?
There is a huge difference between self-esteem and just esteem. I hate it when people say "this is your self-esteem boost for the day". Because the act of THEM giving me that boost is nice, but it's not self-esteem. That would imply that it's coming from myself. Which is what self-esteem is. Relying solely on other peoples' opinions for your self-esteem means that you don't have good self-esteem. Because no matter how much other people like you, if you don't like yourself, you're screwed. Sorry bro. That's life.
So this goes hand in hand with confidence. If you're confident in yourself, you've got self-esteem. No matter what anyone says to you you can still smile and know you're a good person.
Guys, I'm 18. I'm not as old as I'd like to be. I'm young and still a teenager. So, yeah, my self-esteem is not at a high point. And since moving, it's pretty dang low. BUT that's something I need to fix for myself. And that's not really a concept I'd really thought about too deeply. Being confident sucks, cuz it takes way less effort to just rely on other peoples opinions. That's a miserable option, but definitely easier. And hey, I'm sick of that.
My name is Aurora Eliza Fackrell. I'm insecure about the size of my hands and the sounds my stomach makes. I wish I was a few inches shorter, so I slouch a lot. I hate the way my legs look so much, I almost never allow people to see them. I swear sometimes. I'm an awkward individual and I'm not actually okay with it. I'm afraid to assert my opinion on others. I don't like to speak up. I let people walk all over me because I'm afraid of rejection. I play off my feelings like they're nothing, even when they're eating me up. And I ignore peoples' attempts to talk about my feelings/try to make me feel better, because I don't want to inconvenience them. My best friend for the whole of 2013 has been my dog. My name is Aurora Fackrell, and I have flaws. And I'm working towards being okay with these flaws. If you wanna judge me for these things, be my guest.
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Really missing my puppy right about now. |
You definitely don't let people walk all over you. You are being too hard on yourself. I have observed you taking very good care of yourself as a young person. You are a good listener, you are smart, funny, you are GOOD. Maybe this day you were a wee big melancholy? I love you. There are lots of people who love you even more than your dog does!
ReplyDeleteLove Mom