Once Upon a Winter...

Last winter was mild. Which I'm grateful for. I hate the winter. I type this as snow falls heavily outside my window, adding to the foot high snow already covering everything.

I don't hate winter because of the snow. I hate it because it's hard to travel, and it makes being outside uncomfortable. It's so so beautiful. But it makes my anxiety go through the roof.

But I digress. I was talking about last year.

Seth and I started dating last September. And as our relationship blossomed and continued, we entered the winter months. Being long distance, I was worried. We were both worried. Driving to see each other might not be an option anymore. So, we prayed and hoped a lot. Hoping that the roads would stay clear, that the snow and bad weather would be minimal.

And it was. We were really blessed with a mild winter. Looking back, I'm honestly amazed.

The first time it really snowed, was right after Christmas. I was in St. George, visiting him. We drove back to Orem in the snow(which was miserable), because I was moving a few days later. My car broke down, everything was falling apart, but we made it to my new apartment with all of my stuff safely. Even though it was now snowing, AND my car was broken down. We were essentially stranded.

But we made the best of it. We built a fort in my living room, and cuddled day in and day out. We had plans to go out for NYE, but our situation made it impossible. He knew that I'd bought a dress, so he told me to still get all dolled up, he had a plan. We walked down the snowy street to the grocery store(we later found out that there was one closer). Then, while I showered and got ready, he made dinner.

I walked out in my dress, and his face lit up. It was similar to his face when he saw me on our wedding day(but not quite as great). He kissed me, telling me how beautiful I was, and wow, he couldn't believe it. We ate chicken enchiladas on the kitchen floor, and then danced until midnight in our socks.

And it was the perfect holiday.

This year will be so different. Making snow angels in the foot of snow while our dog runs around, jumping up at the falling flakes. Sledding(it's a must), and all of the cute, instagram worthy pictures(can you tell we're millenials?). I hate ice skating, but for him, I'd go.

And I want to take him to the Midway ice castles. They are breathtakingly beautiful. And they are so close to my grandmas house, we can stop by there afterwards for nachos and hot cocoa. Plus, it'll be a good excuse to visit the place we got married.

And of course, the temple square lights. We went last year, on the way home from visiting my family for Thanksgiving, and we went last night, with my family. But I don't anticipate it being our last visit there.

And Christmas. Man, am I excited for Christmas with Seth. We're going to visit my family for Christmas(we can't pass up Christmas bingo with my siblings). But when we get back, we both have a day off, and we're going to spend that day having Christmas, just us and the dog.

I hate winter for so many reasons. But I'll find a million reasons to love it this season, because I love the people I get to spend it with.

Inspired by this LDR Blogs Writing prompt: Winterwishes

I Would Walk 500 Miles...

When you start dating someone, two separate worlds are being combined, forced to mesh in places, while other aspects join together flawlessly.

Every relationship is different, and there are different "deal breakers" in every couples view.

Being Long Distance, a lot of those things don't come out until you get the opportunity to spend more time with someone in person, which sometimes means that you've been dating for a significant amount of time already.

By the time Seth realized that I had a problem, we'd already been dating for a few months, he was head over heels for me, and he was way too invested in our relationship for him to end it.

I have a horrible taste in music.

Well, at least, according to HIM.

I think my taste in music is fine.

Seth likes Indie/Hipster/very obscure music.

Which I also enjoy, don't get me wrong.

But I am definitely a "I know every Taylor Swift song ever by heart" kind of girl. Pop music is my love. More often than not, Seth ends up rolling his eyes and listening to my music somewhat begrudgingly.

Seth may disagree on these songs, but these are ten songs that I feel like perfectly describe Seth's and my relationship.

Lucky (Jason Mraz)

Little Things (One Direction)

I'm Gonna Be(500 Miles) (Sleeping At Last)

Perfect For Me (Ron Pope)

The Girl (City and Colour)

Can't Stop Thinking About You (Steve Moakler)

Come to Me (Goo Goo Dolls)

The Quiz (Hello Saferide)

Kiss You (One Direction)

Trumpets (Jason Derulo)


Inspired by this ldr blog prompt: Top Ten.

A smile, and the best surprise

Last winter was surprisingly mild, but you wouldn't hear me complaining. The one time we got hit with snow was at the end of December/beginning of January, and we didn't see it again. I was grateful for the warmth during the summer. I was also grateful for the clear roads.

Last December, it had been a few weeks longer seeing Seth than I was used to. The longest we usually went without each other was two weeks(we were spoiled, as long as long distance relationships were concerned). I had been searching for a car, and the plan was to drive down to visit him the week before I went home for Christmas. It had been almost a month since I'd last seen him, and I was sorely disappointed that my car search had turned up nothing. The weekend was quickly approaching, and I sadly had to tell Seth that it would be an additional two weeks before we got to see each other.

I was very blessed that semester to have one of the best, and sweetest, roommates I've ever had. While crying and telling her how sad I was that I couldn't go and see him, she offered to drive me down that weekend.

But we didn't tell Seth.

The plan was to leave Saturday evening, after Torie got off work. At about 9 am, that Saturday, Torie woke me up with a smile, telling me that someone had agreed to cover her shift, and we could leave immediately. I have never jumped out of bed faster. I was packed, showered, and ready to go within an hour. We stopped off and fueled both us and her car, and began our 4.5 hour drive.

It was one of the most fun car trips I've ever had. Made more exciting by my jumping up and down on the edge of my seat, eagerly anticipating arriving.

Seth and I had agreed to facetime that night, to makeup for the fact that we wouldn't get to see each other. We got there slightly later than anticipated(gas/potty breaks always take more time than you think), and it was just starting to get dark(it was getting dark at like, 4 pm, though). With my heart beating out of my chest, I called him from his porch, and tried(unsuccessfully) to sound sad.

"Hey, babe. Listen..something came up. Torie is trying to get out of an awkward date tonight, and I agreed to hang out with them instead. I won't be able to facetime you tonight...but we could always face time tomorrow."

"...really?"

I knocked on the door.

"Yeah. And hey, listen, I have to go, we're about to leave. It was super last minute. I'm so sorry. I'll call you when I get home, for sure."

His dad opened the door, with a look of surprise and joy. I whispered a hello, as I heard Seth confused, and sad. on the other line, say goodbye.

"Does he know you're here?" His dad asked, after enveloping me in a hug.

"No" I grinned, practically skipping to the stairs, to head down to his room.

As soon as I opened the door to the stairwell, I saw him. Standing in his sweats, holding a cat to his chest, and his face broke into a smile.

"I knew it! You sounded WAY too happy when you told me we couldn't facetime tonight." I giggled and grinned as I ran down the stairs to hug him.

It ended up as a short visit, just spending time with him and his family. But it was one of my favorites, getting to spend that time with him before he left for his mission.

Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Visits.

The Last First Date

"I'm sorry, I got a little bit lost on my way to your apartment, I'll be there in an hour instead of 30 minutes! Sorry!"

I rolled over, after reading this text. It was 12:30 PM on a Saturday, and I was still in bed. Obviously, I was still in bed. I'd been out with a few friends the night before, and even though I knew I had a date at 1 PM, I was staying in bed as long as possible.

At 1:00, with more apologetic texts sitting in my unread texts, I forced myself out of bed, and towards a mirror. What I saw looked horrendous, but I didn't really care. I didn't shower, quickly doctoring my hair, putting on a minimal amount of makeup, and putting on one of the rejected outfits from the night before.

At roughly 1:20, I got a text saying that he was there, but he couldn't find my building. I assured him that no one ever could, and I'd meet him in the parking lot. I put on my favorite aviators, locked my front door, and headed down the three flights of stairs.

I had never met Seth. One of my closest friends had told me that I'd be a really good match with him, but I was still hung up on a crush from earlier in the year, before school started. Plus, this boy lived 4 1/2 hours away from me. I was still kinda floored that he was driving all that way for this date. But he'd assured me that he was coming into town anyway to visit his brother, and he just wanted to take me to a casual lunch. I knew he was interested in me, we'd texted and snapchatted over the course of the last few months, as I'd been out of the country until a few weeks before.

I walked into the hot and sunny parking lot, and spotted him right away. He had the passenger door open, bent over as he cleaned something off the floor. When he spotted me coming, he shut the door and came up to me. After exchanging a quick, and slightly awkward hug, he opened my door for me.

Wow. Chivalry. Something I hadn't witnessed in a long time, since my boyfriend when I was four, and that doesn't really count.

He drove me to the cutest hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant, ordered us matching salads(he didn't order his with dressing, which is gross), and we sat and talked.

He was sending the vibes. I knew he was interested. He was playing it cool, but his eyes would sparkle when we'd make eye contact, and he'd start smiling ever so slightly when I would talk to him.

But I tried shutting him down. I told him about all of my ex-boyfriends in the recent years. It didn't phase him, he responded with stories of his own exes. I talked to him about all of the weird things that I did. He laughed and told me that he did them too, and then supplied stories.

As we got back into the car, I invited him to come over and make cookies.

And that was one of the best decisions of my life.

We made the cookies together, me trying to figure out how to share a kitchen, while he told me funny stories and I laughed.

He set up a movie on my laptop, and as I turned towards him from the kitchen, holding a plate of cookies, he asked me how to properly pronounce my last name. "It's pronounced 'Fack-rull'. Kinda like 'Fat Girl'." We both glanced at the mound of cookies in my arms. "I know what this looks like..." I said, staring at the cookies. He laughed. I loved his laugh.

Throughout the movie, we started moving closer to each other. After the movie, we watched a musical. He showed me a few youtube videos. We talked about our shared interest in How I Met Your Mother. I knew he wanted to kiss me, but he was too chicken to try it.

He later told me that he was afraid to mess it up.

He ended up staying until 5 am. We sat on my couch and laughed and joked and I probably almost peed myself at some point. He looked at me like no boy ever had, and I liked it. I never wanted him to stop.

His smile made that 4 1/2 hour distance worth it, every single time.

It was the best, and the last, first date.

Inspired by this LDR Blogs Prompt: Date Night

Giving and Getting

I can recall countless nights, before Seth and I were engaged, where I'd get home from 9 hour at school, 4 hours at work, and just sit on my floor and cry. Because I was tired, and I wanted someone to be there, to be a comfort, and my boyfriend was four hours away.

But I can also recall, all of the times that Seth realized what kind of a day I'd had, how upset I was. I would come home to candy on my pillow(delivered by his brother, who lived near me). I would be drowning in math homework and on the verge of tears, and I would receive a phone call telling me to come downstairs, because he had driven up as a surprise, and he had a picnic for me. I would be missing him and I would find a stuffed animal delivered to my door.

He never came up short.

Being able to call him, and fall asleep talking to him, was one of the biggest comforts. That Seth was just a phone call away. And if needed, just a four hour drive. We were lucky it wasn't longer.

But any relationship is a two way street, right? I can't have the most loving and giving boyfriend, and not reciprocate that, and somehow manage to keep him. Although I feel that I can never be quite as incredible as he is, I always strive to put as much into the relationship as I am getting out of it.

I've been in countless relationships in the past, where I felt like I was dating a brick wall. No matter what kind of effort I was putting forth, I got little to nothing in return.

And it always made me wondering if it was because of ME. If in a different relationship, with a better person, would they put forth that effort? Would they be a good boyfriend?

It makes you feel like the boys who treat a girl right are figments of your imagination.

I'm not saying that in order to be treated right, you need a boy who will give you presents and surprise you at your door. Every couple is different, and what is perfect and comfortable for you may not be what is perfect and comfortable for me.

I'm happy with Seth, in a way I had never been happy in a relationship before. I found someone who I loved, and was able to return that love to me fully.

Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Happiness

A moment is still just a moment

Every decision you make, every moment, is significant. Because of the sheer magnitude of these moments, not every moment will register with you consciously. But then you'll have a moment, one that will make you stop and think, and you'll have clarity, and you'll realize that somehow, you were waiting for this moment, even though you didn't know it. Like when you leave the eye doctor with a new prescription and the whole world is crisp around you, and you'd forgotten what it was like to see. Like when you hold your new baby sister and her tiny eyes open up a little and she wraps her tiny, crinkly hand around your finger, and you realize that there is nothing more precious in the world. There are moments all around us, defining moments, that open our eyes. They kind of hit you, sometimes in a really hard, stricken kind of way, and others in a gentle tap, letting you know that it's important. But they hit you.

Seth was always very upfront with his feelings, from the very beginning. He let me know what he was feeling. For me, it was a lot slower. I remember thinking that I wished that I was in love, that I was feeling what he was feeling. He seemed so sure, and I just wasn't. He'd look at me like he couldn't believe I was real, and I'd look at him like I wasn't sure if I wanted him to look at me like that.

There were a lot of little moments, moments that I felt like I had a taste of love. The funny thing about love is that it keeps growing. There's no standard amount that you reach, and then you're done. There's no capacity to love. Love is limitless, and that in itself is so marvelous. I had moments, where I thought I'd found it. I thought to myself, "this is it. This is how I'm going to feel forever." I had moments that I thought defined us, defined my love for Seth, defined and solidified the fact that I wanted to be with him forever.

I remember walking around, Seth so patient, all night, holding his hand as we walked around downtown Salt Lake City, and I'd shown him all of the places I'd lived/worked when I'd been there the year before. I remember being overwhelmed with nostalgia, and Seth just kissed my hand and let me keep talking, reminiscing in stupid things. And the drive home that night, his hand in mine as he sang along to Jason Mraz, and my heart seemed so warm, and I told him I loved him for the first time. I'm pretty sure that he didn't stop smiling for at least an hour.

I remember the day we said goodbye before he was set apart as a missionary. My heart was warm, but in a very different way. I felt like I was being ripped apart, truly leaving a part of my heart with him. I remember him walking me out to my car, and holding me as I sobbed, telling him how much I loved him and how wonderful I thought he was. I didn't want to let go, knowing this was the last time I'd be holding him for two years. I remember pulling away, because I had a long drive and an appointment to make, and kissing him and feeling my tears stream down my face, falling onto his cheeks, mixing in with his own tears. It broke my heart to drive away that day, seeing him stand in the driveway in that huge grey Crossfit hoodie, barely able to see the road through my tears, my hands shaking. I wondered how I could let him leave, when I loved him so much.

But not even that was "the" moment.

I feel like there will never be one "the" moment. Among all of the millions of moments that pass by, every day, every week, every month, there will continue to be more moments. Moments when I look at him as he's singing in the car and realize that I love him more than I thought. Moments where he'll kiss my hand and look at me and my heart will stop for a moment. Moments where we're dancing in the kitchen while we wait for the food to finish cooking and I'll be so glad that I chose HIM to be with forever.

Every day with Seth is a defining moment. Every single day I re-realize why I love him and why I'm marrying him. And that's how I know that he's the one. That is my defining moment. My defining moment came when I sat down to write this, and realized that I couldn't possibly pick ONE moment.

Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Defining Moment