If a picture says a thousand words...

I've been back from France for almost two months now. It's really hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that it's really already been two months since I've been back. That's 2/3 of how long I was actually in France. Thankfully, my time in France didn't fly by nearly as quickly as this semester has so far. And I'm also grateful for how quickly this semester has flown by...

However, the fact that I've been back from France for two months also means that I haven't posted here in almost two months.

School happened. And that's okay.

To get myself to post here on a consistent basis again, however, I'm going to be doing a weekly post dedicated to a self-portrait that depicts how my week went. So it'll be kind of fun, but it will also challenge me artistically. This is in part due to the fact that I'm really trying to get my photography business started up again. (PS, if you or anyone you know in the Utah Valley needs a photographer, send them my way. If you mention my blog or this post, I'll give you 10% off)

Being back in school has been really busy and stressful and I've been crazy slammed trying to keep on top of homework and two jobs. And I'm doing an all right job, I like to think.

So, here's my self-portrait for this past week. Normally I'll be posting these on Sundays, right before the new week starts. So lucky you, you sorta get two photos this week. ;)

Because I've been drowning in homework

"God gave her the strength to fly..."

I have attempted, unsuccessfully, to drop off the face of the planet. But, I am back again because I failed.

I have been incredibly busy in the past few months. I mean, it makes sense, right? It's my senior year, which comes with a lot of business. Since school started up again in January it's been crazy. It really hit me that this is my LAST semester in Highschool. I've been REALLY trying to get really good grades, which has meant an increased amount of time devoted to studies. And college. College, people, is a big deal. Since the semester began, I really started working towards knowing what I want out of life. I used to have a very definite plan. I wanted to be a concert pianist, have a few kids, graduate from the music program at BYU, and that was it. It was a plan. However, it's changed. Since last summer, I've been kinda going in and out of my plans for college. At first, it was BYU-I. NO ONE could persuade me different. Then I visited SVU and I was like, "Holy shiznicklebiscuits, I'm going here." And then after some conversations with my boyfriend(at the time) in August, I decided maybe BYU would be nice. And then Helen and I were gonna go to the West Coast and be roomies and life would be perfect. And then this past semester it was like, "LET'S DO ALL OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME." My brain didn't really like that...

After working my sweet little butt off, I sent in all my applications and I've been sitting back, waiting for responses. About a month ago, I decided, just for the heck of it, to apply at UofA. Helen had, at the time, planned on going to Arizona for school and I thought "We'll be closer", and there's this good friend of mine who had applied and I was like, "Dude, yes." so I thought it would all be great. Well, Helen is planning on South Dakota(I think...) and I have no idea about the other friend, but I have really been getting excited about UofA. I already know someone who would be my roommate, and they have a great campus. And it's WARM. And CLOSE. And WARM.

After Midterms last week, I attempted to catch up on homework, and after submitting one Science Study Guide I decided that I was going to watch a thousand tv shows and take 24 hour naps. It's a new week, I'm working towards Finals and the end of the Semester. The end of Highschool. I have a LOT coming ahead this year and I am STOKED.

My letter from BYU came this morning. I waited 15 minutes before opening the email, cuz I was scared out of my pants for this letter. My future basically rode on that letter, ya know?? In Seminary this morning, two people told me that they'd been rejected, so I was incredibly worried. And I got rejected. And aside from the fact that it's a great school and I was looking forward to living near certain people there(*cough* Anela), I'm actually relieved. That's one less school to decide between, ya know? There's a reason I didn't get accepted and I am totally okay with it. I have to send in Housing applications for UofA and get the last form for SVU turned in, and focus on getting A's....and jobs. Dude, I need one of those.

I'm actually planning on being a counselor for YFF this summer, and I am so excited. Like, dudes, you have no idea. IF you weren't sure whether or not to go, GO. I WILL BE THERE AND IT WILL BE AWESOME.

Also, it has been almost a year since my friend Greenman left on his mission. Crazy.

Now, funny things. Saturday night I went to my friend's house, and he showed us this hilarious video. Seriously, go watch it. I almost peed my pants laughing. It was hi.freaking.larious. It was that funny. And we talked about it this morning in Seminary.

In church yesterday, I learned that tacos are okay to eat out of the trash after two hours.

I also learned that if you jump out of the Salt Lake City Temple, God will give you the power to fly into the Great Salt Lake.

Peace out homies.

Oink oink

Hallo, friends. I'm posting yesterdays picture and todays picture. I realized something amazing yesterday. See, my computer sometimes hates me(we've all experienced this). A few years ago, it would let me plug my SD card into my computer and upload the pictures straight from that. However, it stole that privilege from me, and since then I've had to plug my actual camera into the computer. You can now understand how obnoxious uploading a picture everyday can be. Here's the exciting news: I walked up to my sister, who was on the computer, yesterday. So I could kick her off. I needed the computer! Anyway, I discovered that she was uploading her pictures. VIA SD CARD. I totally flipped out, and grabbed my VERY full SD cards. And tried it. And realized that it was working.. And I felt like my life was suddenly a thousand times better. So maybe this will affect the daily posting. Maybe it won't. Whatever. It was exciting.

K, so, yesterday sucked. So badly. I am not a big fan of the kids I sit next to in Seminary, mostly because they make fun of homeschoolers in the way that makes me want to punch them in the esophagus. The teasing and jokes were especially bad that morning. And I came home and got frustrated with my midterms. I wanted to do basically EVERYTHING but that midterm(which I am still preparing). And my mom changed my presets in the car. And threw away my favorite fortune(I save fortunes from cookies and stick them on the clock in my car). I know all that doesn't seem like a lot, but it was also a Monday. And MIDTERMS. I was kinda miffed. So, I went to Walmart and splurged. I won't tell you all the things I bought. We'll just say it's a lot. And I kinda yelled to no one while I was driving. And then I came home and hugged my mom and cried. And then studied while eating some of the crap I bought. The prospects of the day were NOT bright.

And THEN. I got a package.

It was a late birthday present. From Layne. We really suck at sending packages/presents on time. We just do. My present came around her birthday. Her present will arrive around my birthday. Part of that's cuz we're busy, the other half is because we're really into DIY. ANYWAY. This present was superb. The box was covered in slips of paper with Psych quotes on them. Our very favorite ones. Inside was even BETTER. It was two mugs, which she'd decorated herself. An apron that she embroidered, and probably sewed(I haven't checked that yet...), and 29 sporks from Taco Bell. Or some other place that has sporks. It was wonderful. Now, the sporks don't make any sense to you. And they don't have to, because they make sense to us and that's what matters. Anyway, I cried a few tears of joy at the arrival of the present. It totally turned my completely crappy day around. When I went to work later, I brought one of my mugs with me. I know you don't usually do that, but I don't conform.

Today has been better in the fact that I haven't thrown anything, cried, or yelled. But I've eaten way too much, cussed a little under my breath(sorry), and banged my head against the keyboard. Multiple times. Now, I have to go finish writing the essays for my history midterm. So, enjoy the pictures.

Yesterday. I love this mug so much. 

aaaaand today. This is me at the desk, working my butt off. See my mug of tea? It was fabulous, especially cuz of the mug it was in. 

Yes, I'm wearing the same shirt...when I came home from work, I fell asleep immediately. And then I woke up and went to seminary in it. No one else will see me all day, and it doesn't smell. So don't judge too harshly. We all do it. Sometimes. During test times...

Song of the day: "I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily."

The new norm

I anticipate this happening often/all the time. You'll probably get the "photo a day" photos all at once. Once a week. But hey, at least I can keep up with at least once a week. I can hopefully do more often. I have a lot on my plate at the moment...meaning midterms. Which I should be studying for. I'm permitted a 5 minute break tho, no?

You should be so incredibly proud of how often I'm taking pictures for you though. I mean, really. It's impressive. I manage to get a good(ish) picture EVERY. DAY. You should feel so so special.

That being said. Here we go. On a magical journey, through last week...

 Tuesday: This would be me trying to unwrap a starburst in my mouth. (Sorry, guys. I suck at this.) It dropped. And was so funny, I had to include it. 

 Autumn is sitting on the bed next to me. See her feetsies? She said something ridiculous. It made me laugh. Terder. Also, excuse the blurriness. 

 I got real bored in Seminary, so I drew Avatar arrows on my arms, and then added one of my forehead when I got home. 

 I went on a date on Friday. And this is what it looked like at the end. And it was so so SO much fun. 

I went to a dance on Saturday. And it wasn't all that fun...oh well. These are the lovely ladies I went with. And we're going to pretend it's just that angle that makes my legs look super fat. Thanks.

I didn't take one yesterday. Cuz it was Sunday. And I haven't taken todays yet, but I will. And I'll upload it...next time. ;)

I'm sorry I didn't give you summaries of my days. I'm much too tired. I'll give you an explanation.

Midterms.

Bye, ya'll. I gotta get my patooty to work. 

PS, I have a thousand(that's a lie) things to post on Thursday. If I can remember them all. I usually write them down(that's also a lie) but the ones that I don't, are fully committed to memory(opposite of truth).

PPS, fun fact. I have been unable to spell "opposite" correctly on the first try all day. I've had to type it a lot, yes. 

Applicable Song lyric of the day: "I'm running out of lies, and ways to say you died."

Dare not to generalize me

I don't think that title ^^^ even works, grammatically. But, I don't want to bother changing it, so it stays.

So, I was sitting in seminary today. Like I do every week day. (I'm about to digress) I looked like a hobo that had rolled around in mud and then done something else disgusting. My brain isn't working today, and the reason why is because I woke up with a killer migraine yesterday. It sucked. However, it's mostly gone, and I am here to tell you about a thought I had.

I'll get back on topic now.

I'm sitting in seminary. And we are talking about weaknesses, the armor of God, blah blah. It was a good lesson, just one we're all forced to hear at least 2345456456782345 times a year, whether it be sunday school, YW/YM, Seminary, FHE, etc. You hear it a lot. And wouldn't you know it? We've all seen the orange analogy. ;) So, normally, this kind of lesson wouldn't be note worthy enough for me to BLOG about it.

It gets better, so keep your pants on and wait.

My teacher has a vase of water. And then pulls out an orange. Or, as I called it, a Green. It was a green orange, which is contradictory, so it's a green. Call it a green. A green. SO, she plops this orange in the water. 5 points to whoever can tell me what'll happen. If you guessed "IT'LL FLOAT!", then ding ding ding. You get a mythical prize. Enjoy that. If, for some stupid reason, you guessed "It'll sink. Derp." Then please go throw some greens in a bathtub and take as many science classes you can. Now, while you perform your science experiment, I will continue with my rant, or whatever you could call this.

When the teacher asks what will happen, we all answer "it's gonna float." in tired monotonous voices. Wouldn't ya know it, it floats. Then, she peels the green. And asks us what will happen when she puts it back in. We all say, "It's gonna sink." And then I add, because I am oh so sarcastic and always in a good mood in the morning, "Just watch. It's gonna float."

It floated.

I laughed.

My teacher than kneaded it with her hands until it was a poor, abused green, and it kinda floated near the bottom. Everyone started making jokes about how it was a "special" orange and all of that, and then one of my teachers says, "It was a homeschooled orange."

I really laughed then. NOW, before you other homeschoolers say "HEY WE AREN'T STUPID/SPECIAL!" and all you non-homeschoolers say "HAHAHAHAHA I WAS ALWAYS RIGHT!" give me a second to say a few things.

I am one of 2 homeschooled kids in my class. I don't really care. This particular teacher, she homeschooled her kids. I appreciate a funny homeschooled joke. In fact, I make them. If I do something stupid I just say, "Ya know what? I was homeschooled." And if you know me, you know that I'm being sarcastic and it's hilarious. *note* Don't make a homeschool joke around a proud homeschooler. Proud in the "I will punch you" type of way. Especially if they're ripped. Just saying.

Anyway, after all the laughing subsided, and everyone made a few homeschool comments and it was oh so funny(not exactly), and we were all ready to pay attention to the lesson, one girl(she's....special), makes a comment that all homeschoolers have good standards and therefore, they are set apart and are a higher "species" or whatever.

I call bullcrap.

In fact, as soon as she states this, my friend who sits next to me, turns to me and says, "Yeah right. I can think of plenty with bad standards." And we list a few that we both know. And then he says, "The only goody two shoes homeschoolers I know are you and Josh(the other one in my class)." For everyone that knows me better than he does, I give you permission to laugh.

Goody-two-shoes, I am not.

That's not my point tho. My point is that I am a member of three "groups" that receive a lot of generalization: I'm a mormon, homeschooled, and belong to a large family. People would think I'm the worlds biggest geek/most sheltered child. In fact, on more than one occasion, I've had people say, "YOU'RE HOMESCHOOLED?!? NO WAY! You're way too cool!"I know. I'm just super awesome that way.

APPARENTLY, If you're a Mormon, you eat jello and funeral potatoes all day, everyday. You wear turtle necks and bootleg highwater jeans, or a jumper with a long sleeved frilly shirt under it. And socks and sandals. And socks that are all frilly at the top. You get my point. We are also, apparently, little law abiders.(I'm not saying that we don't, but I'm saying that we're not high-and-mighty).

If you're homeschooled: You wear your pj's all day(only sometimes, gosh), you watch tv all day(no, that's not having an education), and do school on your bed(okay, that one is spot on...). Apparently, you also have FRICKIN HIGH STANDARDS. And you've never been on a roller coaster. And you worship Hitler(I've actually had someone ask me that once). The assumptions are ridiculous.

If you belong in a large family: You all share underwear(bull), you shop at thrift stores(which is cool), you drive a short bus(...), you're loud, your house is a WRECK, and your parents are lunatics that can't handle you or remember your name.

I have a piece of mind to share with you. I quite enjoy jello and funeral potatoes, because I'm human. However, I have had neither today. AM I NO LONGER A MORMON!?! ;) And the clothes...I don't even OWN a turtle neck, and it goes the same for the rest of the "mormon" clothing. (my dad wears socks and sandals, but he's classy. ;) ) I am law abiding. However, I speed. I've broken a few minor laws, of which I will not go into at this moment. That's need-to-know.

I have not worn my pajamas all day in eons, with the exception of when I'm sick and bed ridden. I never watch tv. And I only do school on my bed 25% of the time. I also have high standards, but not to the point where I refuse to kiss boys or wear a swim suit. There is moderation in all things. I have not only been on *A* roller coaster, but multiple, and I quite enjoy them. And Hitler....do I really have to clarify that? (no, I'm not a Nazi.)

I have MY OWN UNDERWEAR. I've never shared, and never will. Thrift stores are the frickin bomb. I've gotten some of the best stuff ever at those places. One mans trash is another mans treasure. If you're too high and mighty to shop at a thrift store...you have problems. GO SAVE MONEY. A "short bus" is the only thing  big enough to fit my whole family. Deal with it. Our house is NOT a wreck. Cheaper by the dozen makes big families look bad(I love that movie, don't get me wrong). My parents are wonderful and not only PARENT wonderfully, but they LOVE us. Sometimes people forget names. Heck, I do it all the time. To my FRIENDS. It happens. Yes, I've been called the dogs name. No, I don't care.

So, this became much more of a rant than I originally planned. So sue me.

Generalize me, I'll generalize you. As a butt head.

Williamsburg Academy

School is around the corner. For most people, it started this week. For me, it starts in a week and a half. And the thought of school got me thinking. I have mixed feelings about the start of school. See, school usually means seeing your friends right? Not for me. Not necessarily. Because Williamsburg is an ONLINE school, my friend time is...limited, to say the least.

Now, my school has so many perks. I mean, I get the BEST education. And I have WONDERFUL friends that I wouldn't trade for anything. They just all live around the world. Which has it's ups and downs. I have traveled places that I probably wouldn't have at this age. It's great to have these wonderful travels and adventures.

What sucks about my relationships is that I never have anyone to hang out with. I'll go through my phone on a Friday night and every person I want to hang out with, lives 600 + miles away. It kinda sucks.

But then the times that you DO get to see them. Those times are so much more special. You cherish them so much more. When your best friend lives down the street, you start to take it for granted. See, when you have to carefully plan when your friends are coming to visit, you appreciate your friends more, and you appreciate the times you have together more.

I'm not saying that I like not living near all my friends. But I'm not saying its the worst thing ever. Because of my school, I've been able to meet do many amazing people that I wouldn't know otherwise. I mean, a normal 17 year old doesn't have a best friend in Anchorage, a best friend in Nome(also Alaska, btw), a best friend in Vegas, Idaho, St. George, Japan, Cali, Arizona, Texas, I mean, come on. I live in New Mexico, and my best friends aren't here. it's not ordinary. But that doesn't mean it's not great sometimes. I'm starting to ramble and I apologize. I'll just say this: my school is awesome and the opportunities i've had and the people I've met because of it are irreplaceable and wonderful.

7 years of pure *insert adjective here*

Sometimes...sometimes you feel like the world is falling on top of you. I know I'm a 'teenager' and I'm prone to thinking that the world revolves around me and blowing problems out of proportion.

At a church event, a leader made a timeline on the chalkboard. There were 14 'sections'. Each stood for 7 years. The first segment was from birth to your 7th birthday, the second until you were 14, and so on, adding 7 years to each segment. The third segment, from ages 14-21, was 'the most important'. Now stop and think about this. You'd think, at least I did, that it would be the 4th or 5th. Or possibly the 10th. During the 4th and 5th you're building a family and a career. In the 10th, you see your posterity and that's pretty important. But I bit my tongue and let him explain. And as he explained, I began to agree.

A short time before the third segment starts, your 14th birthday, you're surrounded by peer pressure and decisions. When you're 14, you start going to high school. You are surrounded by a LOT of opinions, a LOT of decisions. You start dating shortly after. You pick your friends. Many people pick a spouse at the end of this segment, which is a big deal. You're choosing who to spend the rest of your life/eternity(if you believe in that) with.

Are you starting to see the significance?

With all the pressures from ALL sides, it's hard to figure out who you are. It's HARD to avoid peer pressure. It's HARD to pick good friends. It's HARD to decide who to date. It's HARD to be a teenager. Some people use this as an excuse for stupid things they do. We all abuse that. I'm surely guilty of it. But that's not my point. What I'm saying is, that we as teens make a lot of pivotal points at this age and THIS segment affects our life more than ANY other segment of our lives. If you hang out with the wrong people, you could wreck your life. I don't mean that in a BAD way, but I'm saying...if you spend your time with druggies...your life doesn't look super promising. I'm not judging, however. You want to do that, go ahead. I'm not stopping you.

This is not a post about how the world revolves around me. This is not a post about my complaints. This is not a post about my excuses. This is a post about my views and my opinions.

As aforementioned, sometimes your world begins to crush you. This is usually RIGHT around the time when I feel like this. It's finals. I'm stressed. Aren't we all? I'm worried about money because college is just around the corner. Aren't we all? I'm worried about my friends, for multiple reasons. I'm worried about decisions I've made. Stupid ones. Good ones. Things I regret. I'm starting a job, and planning for that takes time and stress. Oftentimes, we feel as tho there are MANY things crushing us. But when my lovely headmaster pulls up the slide in class that says, "FINALS", I groan loudly and hide under my desk. I don't want to face them. I feel super accomplished at the end of finals, especially when it means 4 1/2 months of freedom. However, EVERY problem that comes up at this point feels like it's blown out of proportion. A lot.

Can't everyone put the drama at the BACK of the top shelf and shut the door? Can you just walk away? Would you STOP complaining about your life? I know I'm one to talk. My problems aren't that big, in retrospect. My problems are just as big as yours. They may be different. I might not be able to relate too well.  I really shouldn't get angry for you having blessings that I don't have, because I have blessings you don't have.

But I digress.

I'm at a crucial stage of life. I'm 17. I'm dating. I'm forging friendships. I'm deciding what to study. My habits, in exercise/eating/time management/studying, will stick with me for the rest of my life. I'm already stressed. When you realize that you might just be messing up your life and hurting your future, it adds to stress.

This past week, starting last monday, has been one of those weeks. Where I can reeaalllyyy feel the stress of my relationships, study habits, and EVERY THING ELSE just beating down on the back of my neck.

Summer, please come quickly.

And while you're at it, I wouldn't mind the beginning of stage 4.

*sigh*

I'm aware that I haven't posted in a long time. I'm also(painfully) aware that all I do is complain on my blog. Unfortch, you're in for some more complaining. However, I'll try to fit some normality in here somewhere.

I don't feel like telling you my love life woes, so I'm not going to tell you. In fact, we're going to pretend that I'm PURPOSELY going on this boy diet, when in reality, it was forced upon me.

School just started up again. Not excited. Also, in the process for applying for colleges, I found out LAST WEEK, that I had to take the GED. *insert ripping hair out and screaming* Needless to say, I *didn't* want to take the stupid test. BUT I took some online tests to prepare myself, and braved the community college yesterday to sign up. Now, the application is due at the LATEST by the 1st of February. Yesterday was the 10th of January. It takes two weeks to get your GED scores. I was going to BARELY scrape it by if i took it Today and tomorrow, or next Tuesday and Wednesday. Problem: I'm going to Veags next Wednesday. Despite the problems, I looked into it anyway. My mom and I had signed up, and they were going over dates. And GUESS when the next available date was? The 8th. Of February. So I explained to the nice lady that I have to take it this week or next. So she gave me the number of another testing center. In the car, I called. They were scheduling the tests for the 24th and 25th of January.       Which is when I'm in Vegas.

I was in tears on the way home. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love my family. I love the weather here in NM. BUT I don't have a lot of friends here. And some of my family(most) just doesn't get along with me. And I'm so anxious to go to college, move on with my education, ya know? I want to have music PROFESSORS, not music TEACHERS. I want to dance. I want to sing. I want to perform. I want to learn, with people actually THERE, not online. AND living in Idaho, I'll be so much closer to my friends. Mainly...Casey.

My mother then massaged my hands, and talked to me about interesting things to get my mind off the eminent doom of me staying behind an extra year. We talked about my fathers dysfunctional family, her strange friend who could snap her toes like we can snap our fingers, who is now dead(not to be morbid), and how if I went to college, I'd probably have a boyfriend within a week, so wasn't I glad I was staying home(no, mom, you made it worse. But thankkkssss...), and so on. Then I watched Benny and Joon and ate icecream. Then Layne(my dear dear friend, who I was going to room with) says, "Why don't you call BYU-I admissions and see if you can turn in the application late?" I did it simply to humor her, since I didn't see that happening at all, PERIOD. When I called, they said I could take a test called the COMPASS test, which is actually a ton easier than the GED and you have to take one or the other. And you get test results back in the SAME DAY. Yeah. I can't believe I didn't find out about THAT before...

I am now anxiously awaiting for my sister(or father) to get home with a vehicle so I can run to the bank to deposit money so I can register for the test. They're still not home, and I've been waiting all day...

Just one week

Just one more week, and then this nightmare they call midterms will be over.
My favorite teacher this year, Mr. Ure, gave us the Government test so we can study for it. And really, we can take it anytime we want, it just has to be done by Wednesday at 5. So I kinda want this misery to end, so I think I'll take it this weekend.
But then of course, there's my Lit test...and my Algebra II test. Thank goodness Biology doesn't have a midterm. Why? I have no clue, but Mr. Rees is pretty darn awesome for not making me take one.
Yesterday I went to Walmart and stocked up. One of those huge bags of chocolate candy, cheddar jalapeno cheetos, some nummy granola bars, and tapioca pudding left that store with me. And then I went to starbucks.
And when I got home, I decided that is the LAST time I'm going to Starbucks this month. I know. *sniff* It's gonna be really hard since I usually go at least 3 times a week. But if I wanna go to college next year, I can't be throwing my money away on hot chocolate and frappucinos.
I should figure out how to make my own frappucinos....I should look up a recipe. :D
I've applied for three jobs in the past week, and I haven't heard back from any of them. Ugh. And on top of that, one of my piano students canceled this week. Which means my monthly income just went down 21 bucks.
So yeah, that's not that much. But still. It was a part of my paycheck. A paycheck that is slowly getting smaller as my students slowly drop off....
I need a job, a bigger brain, and some sanity.

School has taken over

School has completely taken over my life. :P
I have midterms next week that I am NOT prepared for...
Then why am I posting on here?
I needed to escape from Algebra 2, because I really don't care what x equals.And really, there was nothing on facebook that was interesting, and no one will email me back...I really should be doing math tho...curse those mathematicians...
All I really wanna do is magically find some candy in my sock drawer(it's all gone. I've checked at least 5 times today...), Skype Casey, and then sleep.
But Midterms won't allow this. It NEVER does...*sigh*