"God gave her the strength to fly..."

I have attempted, unsuccessfully, to drop off the face of the planet. But, I am back again because I failed.

I have been incredibly busy in the past few months. I mean, it makes sense, right? It's my senior year, which comes with a lot of business. Since school started up again in January it's been crazy. It really hit me that this is my LAST semester in Highschool. I've been REALLY trying to get really good grades, which has meant an increased amount of time devoted to studies. And college. College, people, is a big deal. Since the semester began, I really started working towards knowing what I want out of life. I used to have a very definite plan. I wanted to be a concert pianist, have a few kids, graduate from the music program at BYU, and that was it. It was a plan. However, it's changed. Since last summer, I've been kinda going in and out of my plans for college. At first, it was BYU-I. NO ONE could persuade me different. Then I visited SVU and I was like, "Holy shiznicklebiscuits, I'm going here." And then after some conversations with my boyfriend(at the time) in August, I decided maybe BYU would be nice. And then Helen and I were gonna go to the West Coast and be roomies and life would be perfect. And then this past semester it was like, "LET'S DO ALL OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME." My brain didn't really like that...

After working my sweet little butt off, I sent in all my applications and I've been sitting back, waiting for responses. About a month ago, I decided, just for the heck of it, to apply at UofA. Helen had, at the time, planned on going to Arizona for school and I thought "We'll be closer", and there's this good friend of mine who had applied and I was like, "Dude, yes." so I thought it would all be great. Well, Helen is planning on South Dakota(I think...) and I have no idea about the other friend, but I have really been getting excited about UofA. I already know someone who would be my roommate, and they have a great campus. And it's WARM. And CLOSE. And WARM.

After Midterms last week, I attempted to catch up on homework, and after submitting one Science Study Guide I decided that I was going to watch a thousand tv shows and take 24 hour naps. It's a new week, I'm working towards Finals and the end of the Semester. The end of Highschool. I have a LOT coming ahead this year and I am STOKED.

My letter from BYU came this morning. I waited 15 minutes before opening the email, cuz I was scared out of my pants for this letter. My future basically rode on that letter, ya know?? In Seminary this morning, two people told me that they'd been rejected, so I was incredibly worried. And I got rejected. And aside from the fact that it's a great school and I was looking forward to living near certain people there(*cough* Anela), I'm actually relieved. That's one less school to decide between, ya know? There's a reason I didn't get accepted and I am totally okay with it. I have to send in Housing applications for UofA and get the last form for SVU turned in, and focus on getting A's....and jobs. Dude, I need one of those.

I'm actually planning on being a counselor for YFF this summer, and I am so excited. Like, dudes, you have no idea. IF you weren't sure whether or not to go, GO. I WILL BE THERE AND IT WILL BE AWESOME.

Also, it has been almost a year since my friend Greenman left on his mission. Crazy.

Now, funny things. Saturday night I went to my friend's house, and he showed us this hilarious video. Seriously, go watch it. I almost peed my pants laughing. It was hi.freaking.larious. It was that funny. And we talked about it this morning in Seminary.

In church yesterday, I learned that tacos are okay to eat out of the trash after two hours.

I also learned that if you jump out of the Salt Lake City Temple, God will give you the power to fly into the Great Salt Lake.

Peace out homies.

T-Swizzle

Have you ever had one of those moments where there is so much you should post that you don't post?

Yeah.

Well. I could tell you about everything that's happened since my last post, but I won't. Just know that my life was HIGHLY exciting. ;)

There is ONE thing that I want to talk about. And I just hope to high heavens that the person this concerns chooses not to read my blog any time soon.

A couple weeks ago I got a text from a 'friend'. Let's call him Jimmy. Now, Jimmy and I once sorta dated. Keyword: once. And by that I mean that it's over, not that it was only once cuz we dated like, three times. ANYWAY. That's beside my point. So, Jimmy texts me, which is strange, and says, "So, random question". And I had just gotten a new phone, and had NO CONTACTS, so I was all, "Random answer, once you tell me who the crap you are." Once I found out who it was, I had a small desire that he'd maybe got offended that I didn't have his number. I shouldn't feel like that? I know. Doesn't stop me. ;) SO. As we talk, he tells me the purpose of communication was that he had very recently seen the new Taylor Swift music video, "I Knew You Were Trouble". If you haven't seen it, GO WATCH IT. He tells me that when he started watching the video, that Taylor looked like ME.

I cried laughing.

And then I realized he was serious.

I was like, "WHAT THE EFF ARE YOU MENTAL?!" And then I thought, "Well hey. Taylor Swift is effing gorgeous, so that's a compliment." And then I thought, "IS HE TRYING TO SAY I LOOK LIKE A HOT MESS?!" And then my thoughts deviated from my general appearance with what he said next.

He explained that it weirded him out the entire time he was watching it because he felt like he was staring at his ex-girlfriend. And he felt like it was me singing to him. And he was thinking, "She knew I was trouble..." blah blah blah.

He wasn't. Just..he wasn't.

I kinda laughed about it, and he told me that he wasn't totally crazy because he had his friend facebook stalk me(only slightly creepy, right?) and she agreed that I looked like Taylor in that video.

The next day, I was in the car, and that song came on the radio. As is customary when I'm in the car, I blasted the song and sang along at the top of my lungs.

And then I got to the bridge.

"When your saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her or anyone or anything"

And then I started thinking. Cuz I do that, occasionally.

Now, I will be the first to admit that my past relationships have been the farthest things from actual RELATIONSHIPS. I like to think otherwise, but I'm not gonna lie. The reason for this is simply because I have never found someone that I'm just like, "Hey, I would LOVE to be your girlfriend." and mean it. With one exception, but that doesn't count at all for multiple reasons, including the fact that I was 15.

So, I thought about it, my whole drive home from my piano lessons(which is a pretty long drive), and I realized that, in the scenario that me and said ex were Taylor and an ex, I would be the ex and he would be Taylor.

Yes, envisioning him as Taylor Swift made me snort my tea just now. Yes, I drink tea. Yes, I'm going to continue with my story now.

See, he wasn't trouble. He was a normal 17 year old boy, he most DEFINITELY wasn't a bad boy, he just wasn't ANY of that.

A lot of you are going to disagree with what I'm about to say. Don't get your panties in a knot, and hear me out.

He was Taylor. *I* was trouble. Allow me to refresh a few lines of the song for you. Except I will change the wording.

"That I never loved you or him or anyone"
"And you heard I'd moved on, from whispers on the street. A new notch in my belt, Is all you'll ever be."
"I was long gone, when you met me. And you realize the joke is on you."
"And when you fell hard, I took a step back, without you."


As I thought about this, I kinda had this montage of past relationships. And it's true, especially with Jimmy. I'm the trouble. And I'm not saying that I'm trouble in the sense that TAYLOR was talking about, but hopefully you guys get the picture.

And I'm not posting this so my friends will text me and say, "Aurora, you're not trouble!" And blah blah. I know, I know. Thank you in advance. ;)

I think that, having this perspective, in a way, is good. Well, it's good now. Because I know I've never been in love. Ever. There was one boy that I thought I loved, but again, I was 15. I knew nothing about anything I was talking about. Because of this lack of love, it's made it VERY easy to let go of the relationships I've had. All of them. We break up, I cry for like, 2 seconds, and then I'm like, "Well, that was nice," and I move on.

So, boys, unless you are REALLY special...watch out. Cuz I guess I'm trouble. ;)

Oops...

I haven't posted in forever, that is obvious. So..here.

Day 10 - A song with an amazing music video

Begin Again ~ Taylor Swift. There are better music videos out there, but I am super attached to this song right now. Plus, I'd already named a song that has one of the best music videos Ev.Er. so this will have to do. ;)

Day 11 - The song that relates the most to your life right now

This is pretty exclusive...THE song...you want THE song? Well, please direct me to an artist that has written a song that talks about a tired, stressed, happy, confused, sore, hungry girl, and I'll name that song. ;) Got nothin?? Well, in that case...

Fine by Me ~ Andy Grammar. This song describes how I feel a little, so why not?

Day 12 - A song you would like to learn how to play on instruments

Wedding Day at Troldhaugen ~ Grieg. I know this isn't exactly what whoever wrote this challenge had in mind, but I want to learn this. So there.

Day 13 - Your favorite TV theme song

The New Girl Theme Song... So, I pondered this for a minute...did you want my favorite tv show's theme song, or my favorite theme song ever? This was the only one that would come to mind that actually had lyrics, so...tada...

Day 14 - The song with the worst lyrics

Sunshine on my shoulders ~ John Denver. This was the easiest song to think of on this list today. I don't like this song. At all. And if you don't believe me, go youtube it. My family and I will mockingly sing, "Sunshine almooost allwaaaayss maakess meee hiiiighhhhh." all the time. It's obnoxious. Bleck.

So, I've been busy. A lot. Mostly because I was forced to catch up in two subjects last week, and I managed to also get through a whole season of Doctor Who....yeah...I'm a tad addicted to that...oops.

Anyway. I'm exhausted. Very much so. And the only picture I've taken since last posting, is a picture of my dad shirtless (please don't ask). So...goodbye, all. 

We be stunna

I was busy all weekend. I threw a surprise party for my sister, which took a lot of effort...so...I apologize that I didn't post. At all. Also, it's Monday. Ew.

Stop. song time. (I gotcha. You thought it was gonna be "Hammer time" or "in the name of love", didn't you?)

Day 3 - A song that makes you want to cry.

Long Live ~ Taylor Swift

For those who have heard this song, you might understand. This song reminds me of people in my past, and the people in my present, who I loved/love dearly. Certain people come to mind. Garrett, Casey, Jacob, Brooke, Helen, Rebekah, Layne. I will share my "tear jerking" line with you.

"Please promise me this. If you have children someday, when they point to the pictures, please tell them my name."

Nuff said.


Day 4 - A song you listen to when you're pissed.

Misery Business ~ Paramore

The name kinda says it all, no? When I'm pissed, the beat and the words really resonate with me and I feel powerful. Just cuz.

Day 5 - A song that would not be appropriate in church.

Heh. Heh. There are a lot of songs that wouldn't be appropriate in church...But I shall say...

E.T. ~ Katy Perry

This song was, strangely enough, stuck in my head all of Saturday. Or, part of a remix of this song.

Story time.

I went to my dads office with Georgi to  blow up balloons for Autumn's surprise birthday. The first song that came on pandora was the remix of E.T. And at the party later, when handing out the cards for "Mafia", I would start singing the beat. (" DA NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU DAAA NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU!") It thoroughly annoyed a few girls, but everyone else thought it was hilarious.

End of story time.


Day 6 - The "Mother knows best" song from Tangled.

First, who DOESN'T love this movie? Please comment your address, so I can come hit you with a tack hammer.

I just love this song. It makes me laugh, and reminds me of when Helen and I were at Navajo Lake and we watched Tangled with everyone the last night.


So. Here's a picture for you.

Hot, right? I know. We be stunnas.

I can't explain this picture. So deal with it.

Also, I dyed those pants myself. Yup. I'm cool.

I'll let you spend forever waiting on...these posts ;)

 I have an excuse. I promise. I haven't posted my photo a day since last Tuesday. Which is kinda long ago, even tho it doesn't seem that way to me...But anyway. Let's go on a journey.

Wednesday. I took the picture. Yay. I was going to upload it when I got home from dance at 9 pm, but my brother in law was on my computer. So, I went to bed after stretching, because I didn't really want to stay up any later. I was exhausted. Can you blame me?

Thursday: I took the picture at 11 pm. I was so tired, you wouldn't believe. I spent forever contributing to the dinner we made for guests, then went straight to work, then straight to a YW meeting, and didn't get back til almost 11. So, I basically hopped into bed. After taking the picture, to post the next day...

Friday: I took a picture first thing(it's not the one I ended up using, but I was prepared) and planned on uploading it during class. But, I felt compelled to pay lots of attention during class. Mostly cuz we had a trivia game on greek mythology, which I was boss at. And then went to work. And then straight to another YW meeting. It was actually a craft night for our upcoming YWIE..which is where my picture from that day comes.

Saturday: The word "exhaustion" does not begin to cover Saturday. I woke up at 4 am, people, to go to the balloon fiesta with the Young Women. And they didn't even launch the balloons. Cuz it was "too windy". Come on, people. How long have you lived in this state?? You should be used to this by now!! After the first session of General Conference, I was way too shaken up to upload any pictures, so I sorta just compromised by crying for a while. After the second session, I went to work. Shock. Er. And then watched Avengers with my family. For the first time. and I am so tempted to buy every Marvel shirt I can find and make a life long quest to be an extra in one of the Avengers movies(Anela, that's how we'll meet them!!). I then watched the Notebook in my room, cuz I was stupid about sleep and I needed a chick flick. Don't judge.

Sunday: Conference. I didn't want to mess with my blog on Sunday. Sorry peeps.

Today: Congrats. I picked my pictures, and I posted them here for your viewing pleasure. I went on a run with my sister this morning. It was a sad little run. My lung problem acted up, resulting in a run even shorter than the short run that was planned. And Autumn wanted to walk the majority of the time. Which was obnoxious. And she fought me the whole time. I think I'll run by myself tomorrow...Also. It's freezing cold. I am wearing my fuzziest socks, and a huge hoodie. And I am cold. Someone come warm up my hands, pretty please. PLUS, I think I like a hopeless romantic. Who lives nowhere near me. Why do they always live 2345823452304958 miles away? Beats me. God has a sense of humor.

Aves went grocery shopping with me. And we jammed out to music. And it was awesome.

So. Freaking. Tired. 

I'm a T-rex. And this would be why neither of us have boyfriends...

This is at the failure balloon fiesta. Everyone, say hi to the top of Jodi's face. And the bottom of mine. 

I taught my brother how to knit during conference, because he was bored. He kept knitting, even after it was over. It made my day.

This would be us after our morning run. Our EASY morning run, I should add, since I don't usually bring Autumn with me. Therefore, we went at a snails pace. And didn't even run a mile. It was sad. Hence the reason we don't look totally dead. 

Hasta la Pasta, people. Until next time...which may or may not be tomorrow...

Applicable song lyric of the day: "You throw your head back laughing like a little kid. I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause he never did." 

I have something very serious to talk to-OHMYGOSHIHAVEPANTSONMYHEAD!!

Today, you get a two in one post! Woohoo! In addition to the picture for today, and you're gonna love it, I'm making a post on a topic that has been on my mind for a while.

I have done a very bad job explaining this in the past, and many people have different opinions/views on this matter, with no fault to themselves. With that being said, I will continue.

I am sorta like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. No, I don't have an evil side. BUT I have two polar opposite sides. Many of you are probably nodding your head right now, because you see where I'm going. Sometimes, I am sweet and empathetic and serious and civilized. And then I'll be hyper and random and bouncing off the walls. And *I* feel that they are BOTH equally me.

Most people know me for the hyper individual, but a select few prefer my calm side.

One of the ways I've explained it in the past is that I was forced to come out of my shell and individualize myself when I was 12, and I went a little far, and now people expect me to be crazy. While this is TRUE, I have to just say, I *enjoy* being crazy. I enjoy walking around on my knees, chasing my siblings and singing to them in creepy voices.I enjoy eating obscene amounts of sugar and then drawing on my stomach. I enjoy pointing my magic wand out the window at people. If you can't handle that, then I'm sorry.

So, I guess this post is less to explain HOW I act, but more to explain WHY I act that way.

As aforementioned, I was forced to come out of my shell when I was 12. Up to that point, I was highly shy, and almost introverted. ALMOST. I had lots of friends, but I was socially awkward(still am heh heh), and I wasn't interesting. I was REALLY boring. And that's okay with me. Despite all of this, I had a best friend. We'll call her...Clarissa, cuz I don't know a single soul with that name, so no one will get offended. Clarissa and I were bestestestest friends. But things started getting weird. And by that, I mean that she made up excuses when I wanted to hang out and such. However, being ELEVEN, I didn't pick up any hints and I kept bugging her and treating her the same. One day, after blowing me off, then showing up on my street with another friend, then blowing me off again, I called her. And asked if she wanted to hang out the following day, since she'd been busy today(I still didn't catch on...). And she very bluntly said, "Aurora, I don't want to be friends with you anymore. Are you cool with that?" She didn't give me any reason. She didn't tell me WHY she suddenly hated me. I said "sure" and hung up. And then promptly called back to tell her very angrily that I was NOT cool with that, but if she didn't want to be my friend then I wouldn't be hers. And then I proceeded to rip up all of the mall photo booth pictures of us, stupid notes we'd written, and I bawled. And it killed me to relay all of this to my mother.

Now, I had other friends besides Clarissa. BUT they were all connected to her. And I realized about two days later that I was only friends with them because of my connection to Clarissa, and they no longer wanted anything to do with me.

Camp that year was living Hell, if you were wondering.

I spent a good year in a constant friendless state, constantly being bullied by these 3-4 girls I had considered my friends. This was before I realized I could be friends with my older sister. Eventually, I had to get out of my shell. It took a whole YEAR to do so. And then I finally did, and I met my best friend. Within 5 minutes, I knew that we were gonna be close for forever(forever ended last year...but that's not pertinent). But it was weird. It was like, all of the social deprivation I'd felt in the last year came to bite me in those 2 hours. I mean this in the way that I acted in a way that I'd NEVER acted before. I acted crazy. I was obnoxious. I was laughing over everything and being silly. And it steadily got worse. I was giddy from a friendship. That sounds weird, but it's how it was. This girl sorta saved my life. The year preceding our meeting, I had considered suicide multiple times. I don't want you all freaking out. Suicide is not a taboo word, though we all treat it like one. ANYWAY. I got steadily worse. But just around her. Most of you are thinking, "Oh, that's how everyone is with their best friend". Yes, that's true. But, it started leaking out into my EVERYDAY life. I would be at home and I would be acting random and my mom noticed. All the time. I morphed into this other being with a new personality. At this point, at around age 13-14, I was struggling to individualize myself. I look a lot like some of my sisters, and I didn't want to be associated with them. So, subconsciously, I spiraled out of random control. I act nothing like my sisters. My older sister is flirtatious and sweet and funny. My sister just younger than me is somewhat awkward in social situations(not her fault). I am as out there and random and strange as you can get(Fun fact: I've noticed my 13 year old sister trying to morph herself into who I am...).

At around age 15-16, I realized that there is a balance. So, I balanced myself. I learned to be serious and calm and sweet and empathetic. I can still be that random girl tho. I am both. I am Mictor Hyckyll(combine Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, if you didn't get that..).

I can act like two entirely different people sometimes. Yes, this bugs me. I know that I feel obligated to act a certain way because of a reputation I have to be hilarious(let's face it...I am. ;)). And sometimes I struggle with this. Sometimes I hate myself for who I am. But, that's part of life. I don't regret any of the struggles that I've gone through, and I don't regret the way I act(for the most part) and I love myself. Not in a conceited way, but I don't hate myself.

So. I just felt like I needed to explain this, because of conversations I've had with some people over the summer and it's been bugging me.

Before I get on to my picture, I will just add...this is one of my bigger insecurities. So please, respect what I've said. I know I kinda blew it off in the last little bit, but it's still a big deal to me. It's really hard to explain what I mean, and if I say anything else concerning the matter I will confuse everyone in the US plus Canada.



Now. My day yesterday, after I posted. Well, I took the cinnamon challenge. Heh heh heh. I'll probably post a link to the youtube video tomorrow, since I have yet to upload it. And after that, I was so so so busy. I didn't go to bed til 12:30, and not because I wanted to stay up. I had a butt load of homework once I got home from work, and then I had to eat cuz I skipped dinner, and then I was on dishes. I am so exhausted. I came home from seminary today and took an hour long nap. And had weird dreams(I always have weird dreams). Speaking of which, this 14 year old boy in my ward keeps making random appearances in my dreams. Like, he'll be in it long enough for me to notice, and then disappear. And I made the mistake of telling the girl I drive to Seminary, because she felt the need to tell him. It will be so awkward to see him tonight...

Anyway. The story behind todays picture.

I wear pants on my head because I refuse to conform. That's basically the story.

You know that song that goes, "looking like a fool with yo pants on the ground"? Yeah, that doesn't apply to me. ;)

One last thing. I've decided to add an applicable song lyric to all of my photo of the day posts. So, it'll be a lyric that describes how I've felt that day/since the last time I posted. Make sense?

Applicable song lyric: "And it was enchanting to meet you. All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you."