Bed-ridden: Paris week 2

This week was the first week that I had all of my regular duties to do all by myself. Which was a little nerve wrecking on a few occasions.

Running along the Seine river every morning :)

In the mornings(on every weekday) I make the kids lunchboxes, and then I clean up breakfast and play with M(the youngest) while their mom takes the oldest two to school. After that(which is only two hours) I have the rest of the day off until I pick up S and E from school and take them to their various classes, then they come home, get baths, and then I'm free again after dinner. Two nights a week I make dinner, which I don't really mind. And then I have at least 2 nights a week that I babysit, but it's been quite a bit more this week(which is fine. I get paid extra for that).

Can't complain about the view. ;)

On Tuesday, the weather report said it was supposed to rain. After I had sent the kiddos off to school, as I was walking back to my apartment, I noticed there was a lull in the rain. So, OBVIOUSLY, I should go running, right? Because it wasn't currently raining...

I got roughly 1/2 a mile into my run before it started raining, so I had to turn back and come back home before it got really bad. Nonetheless, I was soaked by the time I came home.

I'd like to put an open invitation out there to everyone that I accidentally hit with my umbrella on Tuesday. I just..yeah..the sidewalks are much smaller than I'm used to...and that umbrella was a bit big..so...I apologize.

It rained buckets that day.

On Thursday, as S and I were walking home from his Judo lesson, as we were crossing the street I said, "Exactement"(Which is French for Exactly...which isn't that hard to pick up) in response to a question he had asked me. He looked up at me in amazement and said, "Aurora, you just said that in French!"
"Yes, S, I did."
"Now you know THREE words in French!"

Guys, I know a lot more than three words in French.

When I asked him what the other two were, he explained that they were "Noisette" and "Noix", which I had learned the week before when we'd all had ice cream together and had eaten nuts on top of it. Noisette = hazlenuts, Noix = walnuts/nuts.

He was so excited that he came home and told his mother and she laughed and said that I was basically fluent now. NBD.

E had me draw with her. And I had to copy her EXACTLY. Or else. 

The next day, Friday, is when my weekend started going downhill. I woke up with a bit of a sore throat, and I didn't do a lot with my day because I had a pounding headache to go with it. I mostly just sat in my apartment and read, because the bright sun outside hurt my eyes.

Saturday it was worse. But by the end of the night I was thinking that it wasn't THAT bad. It was improving.

Until I woke up on Sunday(yesterday). I was so sick when I woke up that I was unable to go to church, which REALLY bummed me out. I napped on and off all day, and I had to call and cancel babysitting that night because even getting up just hurt so bad. I slept really fitfully last night and it just sucked.

But I'm really blessed. Although I'm still pretty sick, the family I'm with is so sweet. Helene is having me do the minimum until I feel better, which means I've gotten plenty of recovery time. I've only left today to run to the pharmacy(not literally run. I'm too weak for that, foo). She's picking up the kids from school for me and taking them to their lessons. I just have to be there to make dinner and babysit later, which is such a relief to me. I'm in really good hands.

So, despite my bout of sickness over the weekend, things are still going really well here. I can't believe I've been here two weeks now. It blows my mind.

Ant bites and thunderstorms: Week 1 in Paris

So much has happened, and at the same time, I feel like so little has happened.

I arrived in Paris on Tuesday. My bag was lost, so it took me an entire extra hour to even leave the airport. Then it took an hour to drive into Paris. It was crazy, I just sat and stared out the windows, taking in everything. It worked out well, because I don't think my driver spoke any English. I met the family that night. They were wonderful. They fed me an AMAZING meal, and told me to take my time getting settled the next morning, and that they didn't expect me downstairs until 10-11 am. Which was fine with me. 

My apartment also happens to be up 8 flights of stairs. Which kinda stinks, but, I'll have really nice legs at the end of this. So, there's a silver lining. ;)

It rained my entire first day.

Due to jetlag, I didn't sleep very well the next two nights, but I was constantly napping. That probably wasn't the best thing for my jetlag, but I figured it was better than getting NO sleep. And then over the weekend, I ended up just feeling exhausted ALL the time, and I napped and slept way more than I probably should have. 

I had to get creative, due to my lack of toiletries.

The first full day was full of seeing new things, learning where things were, and trying to figure out how to brush my teeth without a toothbrush. There was some toothpaste under the sink(left from their last Au Pair) so I used that on my teeth for the first day. Gross? I know.

Also, trying to go grocery shopping(especially gluten free?) when you can't read any labels or understand anything? And for some reason, I have a reeeaaaallly hard time asking people for help. I'm a tad bit paranoid that I'll get kidnapped(right in a supermarket. I know, I think things through...)

I didn't do a lot of sight seeing the first few days. I really didn't want to get lost(I do a lot of that wherever I go...) and so when I wasn't with the family, I usually stuck to a two block radius around where I was living.

Luckily, that includes the Eiffel Tower.

I cannot even describe how breath taking this is in person. I just...cannot describe.

The Louvre is so much bigger than I anticipated.

I finally got around to sight seeing on Saturday. The Louvre, and the Garden outside it, were magical. After 2 hours in the museum, I couldn't take anything else in, and I wandered around until I found the exit. However, I plan on going back a few times within the next few weeks so I can make sure that I get to see everything.

I really got to see her. Nbd, guys. ;)

This is my view as I walk home from basically anywhere.

Living so close to the tower definitely has its perks. ;) One being that it's amazingly beautiful. The other being that I always know which direction home is. Haha.

So grateful for the technology to get to see my grandpa of a dad. ;)

I've gotten to skype and face time with my family a few times since arriving and I am so grateful for that. When I'm feeling really lonely, or upset at the language barrier, it's nice to know that my mom will face time me, even when it's 6 AM her time and she's just barely waking up.

The stairs are crazy narrow.

I mentioned that I have to walk up 8 flights of incredibly narrow and somewhat steep stairs everytime I want to go to my apartment, right? :P

This week has definitely had it's ups and downs. My apartment is overrun with ants. The weather is incredibly humid, so after about 30 minutes of being outside, I look like a lion. Super great. And even the lightest t shirt and shorts feel incredibly heavy and sticky. I'm definitely not used to this...haha.

But the people here are so nice, and most people I've run into speak at least a little bit of English. And the family I'm with is wonderful, and I adore the kids. A few of them remind me of my siblings, and although it makes me slightly homesick, it's comforting. Until they start screaming in French and then I change my mind. ;)

All in all, it's been a good week. I'm enjoying it a lot, and I'm really excited for the experiences I'll get to have over the next few months. :)

And so it begins...

All right guys.

I'm in Paris. 

Hold up. Allow me to repeat myself. 

I'm in Paris. 

Yeah. This is real. It sure as heck doesn't feel real though. 

The flights here were long. So long. And sleeping on planes is an incredibly difficult task. Despite that, I managed to sleep through breakfast yesterday. Lucky me. I did, however, sit next to a very nice, and interesting, elderly Israeli man on my flight to London. He offered me a sleeping pill. 

The jet lag is crazy. Seriously. 

This is when I started getting REALLY excited. 

Keeping "Taken" in mind (plus, isn't this like an adult version on the man in the van offering you candy?) I kindly declined. 

You can't really tell, but this is when we were flying over Cardiff. You'll just have to trust me. ;)

But then I missed my connecting flight in London. So, after rushing through customs and sprinting to my gate, I ended up waiting an extra few hours in London before I could board my plane to Paris. 

And when I got there, turns out my bag got lost, due to the missed flight. It should've arrived last night, so I'm hoping to find it when I head downstairs. 

Due to all the flight mix ups, my host family was unable to come pick me up, and they sent a car to come get me. I spent the hour car trip to their apartment just soaking everything up. I can't understand anyone, and everyone here seems to be so chic and skinny, and it is incredible. 

There will be so so SO many pictures to come. And these next ones will be way better quality, I promise. ;) 

I listened to the rain all night. Nature is an excellent white noise machine. ;)

I am so excited to begin this adventure. I'm in a beautiful city, with a wonderful family. I have great support back home, and I am so blessed!! 

Cheesy post, and not even sorry

I remember my first day in Salt Lake City like it was yesterday.

Mariah and I walked up A St., what seemed like the biggest hill of my life, with my mother, to go to the leasing office to get the keys to our apartment. Then we got in Mariah's shakey gold minivan and headed over to Main St. to our new apartment.

And the key didn't work.

Naturally, Mariah ran around to the back, where she had left the back door unlocked, and came and opened the porch door, expecting my poor mother and I to jump down 5 feet into my new home.

It smelled old and painty at the same time and I hated it.

Now, 9 months later, the day that I packed up, it still smelled old, but I loved it.

This year has been full of amazing people, and amazing experiences. It's been full of awkward encounters, tears, laughs, freezing cold, smelly kitchens, and Barbie movies. And it's been the best school year I've ever experienced.

So. Shoutout to the amazing people I've met.

Bonnie and Mo-Mo. I could not have asked for better roommates. I mean. Look at this.

I love the way that Mariah keeps a positive mind, no matter the situation. Her love for everyone around her is infectious. She cares so so much. And I love the way that she never wears shoes(the above picture proves my point). I mean, unless forced to, she never wears shoes. You can often find her walking into a room barefoot, getting off of her longboard, and wearing a skirt. It's just how it goes. And I love it. Our taco bell dates, paying all in change, will forever be my favorite. I love that Mariah was patient with me the first three months, and we were able to get over our adversity towards one another, because she is now so so close to my heart, and I couldn't replace that.

And Bonnie. Bonnie and I clicked right away. I remember her calling me from outside the apartment, telling me that she was here, but wasn't sure where it was. I came out in mypajamas, and she was standing there, just the most adorable thing I'd ever seen in her basketball shorts. She almost peed herself when I made a joke about using voice commands to hang up, and I wondered if that was normal. I thought we were close at the end of last semester, but as I look from where we are right now, it's hard to believe that I ever thought that was close. I've missed her these last two weeks since she left.

God really blessed me when he paired me with these two this year. I will be forever grateful.

And here's a quick shoutout to a few other lovelies.

"Noraa" for being the glue that started our relationship with him and Matt, and encouraging me in my grape stuffing pursuits. He introduced me to a new way of card playing, and always answers my health questions, with a vast knowledge that puts me in awe.

And Mr. Matt Dobbins. He came into our lives for roughly three weeks, but he's kept in contact this entire semester, and it always warms my heart when he surprise visits us. This sweetheart bought us groceries once when we were living off of avocadoes, and he was the start to the majority of our adventures last semester.

Much unlike our norm, we met these two boys within the first few weeks of the Winter Semester. They have been the cause of so much joy and laughter.

Rex is so enthusiastic about his plans to "take over the world" and he is so hard working, it is inspiring. He reminds me of my father in the best possible way, and his love for the gospel always blows me off my feet. Hearing him talk about his mission is one of my favorite things. I strongly support him moving to Provo this fall.

(I couldn't pick only one picture of my three boys, so you get three. Ha)

Justin reminds me of the importance of knowing what it is that you believe and you support. He takes nothing for granted, and he makes sure that he studies all of his beliefs, being so informed that it'll knock your socks off. Justin taught me that I don't need to be ashamed of who I am, and what I struggle with. We became so comfortable so fast that it was crazy ridiculous. He's been my confidant all semester and I love him so much for it.

And then Jake. Jake appeared in my apartment one night when I came home from work. We met Jake last semester, but we didn't decide to invite him into our home on a regular basis until a month ago. Thanks to whichever member of the group decided he was the perfect addition, because he definitely has been. Jake has a vast knowledge of the best places to build bonfires, and is super great at making faces for the camera, nbd. (And like Rex, I 110% support his possible decision to move to Provo this fall.)

These three boys this semester have been such a blessing and such a source of comfort.

My heart is heavy as I prepare to leave Salt Lake in two days. I'm so excited for this summer and the wonderful opportunities that I have, but part of me doesn't want to leave Utah. Or rather, I'd like to take the three boys, and my two lovely roommates, and stick them in my pocket, and bring them to Paris with me.

Please.

I will forever be grateful for the experiences that I've had this year, and the friends that I've made, and I fully expect to stay in contact with each of them, and I also expect to receive wedding invites to the rest of their weddings(Aaron got married last week, and Mariah gets married June 28th!), because I can't imagine not being in contact with these wonderful people for the rest of my life.

Don't have too much fun in Utah without me ;)

The post we've(I) been waiting for

Okay guys.

This post has been a long time coming.

I've been waiting until everything got finalized, before I posted anything.

I am so excited.

On May 29th, I leave to spend the summer in Paris, France.

Yeah. You all read that right.

Paris.

I'm going to be an Au Pair there for the summer. I'll be living literally two blocks from the Eiffel Tower.

After the initial month, once the kids are on Holiday, we're spending the remaining two months traveling around the rest of France, and the UK.

I'll be back sometime in the beginning of September.

I feel like, in my head, this post was a thousand times longer. Because I have been waiting to write this post since February. It's just taken a while to get all of the paper work done, and have everything finalized with my host family. I put my notice in at both of my jobs, and I just bought my plane ticket.

Guys. This is happening.

I'm going to France.

I'll be missing out on a few experiences this summer that I'm a bit bummed about, but honestly, what could be better than a summer in France?

I'll be posting updates on here all the time. So, stay posted.

Peace, homies.

The only thing left is prayer

There are billions of people on this planet. Billions.

And you pass by at least a dozen of those people a day. On a normal day, I come in contact with a few hundred.

And to us, each of those people is just a face. Just a body. Sometimes, even just an object.

But those people, whose faces just become a part of the masses, has entire lives, with hundreds of people aware of them, worrying about them, caring about them.

You would never know, walking by a random face, that they just got married. Or that they got the promotion that they were hoping for. Or that the cut their finger while making salad the night before. Or that they've had a loved one pass.

A week ago, a good friend of mine experienced a great loss. His wife of one month, Kaitlin Bridge, passed. Kaitlin had leukemia, and had relapsed in the beginning of March. Their wedding wasn't scheduled until mid-April, but they got special permission from her doctor to postpone her admittance to the hospital by a few days so they could get married. They were sealed in the Salt Lake City Temple, and she was admitted to the hospital to start chemo the next day.

It broke my heart when I heard that she had passed.

Kaitlin was such a sweet, sweet girl. And I had been friends with her new husband, Connor, for a while. I sat at work after hearing the news, at a loss for words, as tears came to my eyes.

I know that the Lord has a knowledge of all things, past and present, and that there was a reason he brought one of His beloved daughters back to him earlier than those of us on earth would've liked. I don't understand, but it gives me hope, knowing that they had the chance to be sealed, and that she is smiling down on him, pain free, wishing him the best.

My love and prayers continue to go out to Connor, and Kaitlin's family.

<3

"It's all in your head"

There are a lot of mixed ideas about anxiety. And unless you have anxiety, it's hard to really understand what the big deal is. Before I had my first attack, I honestly thought it was people overreacting.

But then you get hit with an attack and you literally don't know how to deal with it. Because it's a brand new sensation, one you never want to relive. It's one of those things that, when you explain it to someone who doesn't suffer from anxiety, they simply don't get it. Like you once were, they think it's all in your head.

But that's the thing. It IS all in your head.

That doesn't make it any less credible, less painful, or less significant. It's just simply that it's a mental disorder, and those without it, can't wrap their heads around it.

I've had people tell me to just deal with it. That it's not a big deal. That I probably have some other sort of problem that I'm overlooking, a bigger problem. I've been told to focus on other things, rather than my attack.

You wouldn't tell someone with the flu to simply "not think about it", right? Because if you stop thinking about your physical ailment, you'll be cured, right?

No.

I'm not saying positive energy doesn't help. I'm just saying that it's a lot more complicated than that.

Everyone experiences anxiety slightly differently. I mean, it's not a cookie cutter thing.

The first time you have one is possibly one of the most terrifying attacks you'll ever have. And it'll hit you at a time you didn't expect. You knew that the bell tower made you feel uncomfortable, but you had no idea it would make your head spin. Sirens had always made your hair stand on end, but the helplessness you feel just doesn't make sense.

It's a hot, trapped pain in your chest. You feel tight and irritable. That's how I know it's coming. my chest just feels constricted by something so incredibly warm in the most uncomfortable way, and you want so desperately to escape but you simply can't.

As the attack intensifies, your heart rate sky-rockets. Your breathing becomes shallow and quick, as your mind is filled with panic-ridden thoughts. You want to cry, and sometimes do, from the physical and emotional pain of it all.

Sometimes it passes quickly. Sometimes it's only a few minutes of headache and tears. But sometimes it can last much longer.

The whole time the attack is going on, you just feel despair. You don't know what to do, or how to handle it, as hot tears roll down your cheeks. You feel at a loss. You feel miserable, and in pain. And you just want it to stop. And you don't have control over it.

This is how anxiety feels.

It's not a hopeless cause though, as it seems. During attacks, it honestly feels like nothing you could do could fix it. You feel so powerless.

But there are ways that I've learned that have helped considerably. At the beginning, when I start to feel hot and tight, I do temperature and texture changes. I clutch an ice cube, run my hands under cold water, or step outside. I have certain procedures that I do whenever I feel an attack coming. It's almost reflex. If the temperature doesn't lessen or stop it enough, I grab a fuzzy blanket and rub it between my fingers. I know it seems silly, it's almost a security blanket.

There are definitely ways to prevent or lessen the pain that is afflicted when an attack hits.

The thing that makes it the easiest to go through is knowing there's someone that will empathize with you after. Bonnie doesn't feel what I'm feeling, but she doesn't discredit my mental state or my emotions, and we work out what triggered the attack, so I can learn to prevent a future one.

Anxiety is a delicate thing. Treat those who suffer with love. Don't put down their emotions because you don't understand. That's honestly the worst thing you could do. even if you don't necessarily seek to understand why or what is happening, at least empathize.