Dare not to generalize me

I don't think that title ^^^ even works, grammatically. But, I don't want to bother changing it, so it stays.

So, I was sitting in seminary today. Like I do every week day. (I'm about to digress) I looked like a hobo that had rolled around in mud and then done something else disgusting. My brain isn't working today, and the reason why is because I woke up with a killer migraine yesterday. It sucked. However, it's mostly gone, and I am here to tell you about a thought I had.

I'll get back on topic now.

I'm sitting in seminary. And we are talking about weaknesses, the armor of God, blah blah. It was a good lesson, just one we're all forced to hear at least 2345456456782345 times a year, whether it be sunday school, YW/YM, Seminary, FHE, etc. You hear it a lot. And wouldn't you know it? We've all seen the orange analogy. ;) So, normally, this kind of lesson wouldn't be note worthy enough for me to BLOG about it.

It gets better, so keep your pants on and wait.

My teacher has a vase of water. And then pulls out an orange. Or, as I called it, a Green. It was a green orange, which is contradictory, so it's a green. Call it a green. A green. SO, she plops this orange in the water. 5 points to whoever can tell me what'll happen. If you guessed "IT'LL FLOAT!", then ding ding ding. You get a mythical prize. Enjoy that. If, for some stupid reason, you guessed "It'll sink. Derp." Then please go throw some greens in a bathtub and take as many science classes you can. Now, while you perform your science experiment, I will continue with my rant, or whatever you could call this.

When the teacher asks what will happen, we all answer "it's gonna float." in tired monotonous voices. Wouldn't ya know it, it floats. Then, she peels the green. And asks us what will happen when she puts it back in. We all say, "It's gonna sink." And then I add, because I am oh so sarcastic and always in a good mood in the morning, "Just watch. It's gonna float."

It floated.

I laughed.

My teacher than kneaded it with her hands until it was a poor, abused green, and it kinda floated near the bottom. Everyone started making jokes about how it was a "special" orange and all of that, and then one of my teachers says, "It was a homeschooled orange."

I really laughed then. NOW, before you other homeschoolers say "HEY WE AREN'T STUPID/SPECIAL!" and all you non-homeschoolers say "HAHAHAHAHA I WAS ALWAYS RIGHT!" give me a second to say a few things.

I am one of 2 homeschooled kids in my class. I don't really care. This particular teacher, she homeschooled her kids. I appreciate a funny homeschooled joke. In fact, I make them. If I do something stupid I just say, "Ya know what? I was homeschooled." And if you know me, you know that I'm being sarcastic and it's hilarious. *note* Don't make a homeschool joke around a proud homeschooler. Proud in the "I will punch you" type of way. Especially if they're ripped. Just saying.

Anyway, after all the laughing subsided, and everyone made a few homeschool comments and it was oh so funny(not exactly), and we were all ready to pay attention to the lesson, one girl(she's....special), makes a comment that all homeschoolers have good standards and therefore, they are set apart and are a higher "species" or whatever.

I call bullcrap.

In fact, as soon as she states this, my friend who sits next to me, turns to me and says, "Yeah right. I can think of plenty with bad standards." And we list a few that we both know. And then he says, "The only goody two shoes homeschoolers I know are you and Josh(the other one in my class)." For everyone that knows me better than he does, I give you permission to laugh.

Goody-two-shoes, I am not.

That's not my point tho. My point is that I am a member of three "groups" that receive a lot of generalization: I'm a mormon, homeschooled, and belong to a large family. People would think I'm the worlds biggest geek/most sheltered child. In fact, on more than one occasion, I've had people say, "YOU'RE HOMESCHOOLED?!? NO WAY! You're way too cool!"I know. I'm just super awesome that way.

APPARENTLY, If you're a Mormon, you eat jello and funeral potatoes all day, everyday. You wear turtle necks and bootleg highwater jeans, or a jumper with a long sleeved frilly shirt under it. And socks and sandals. And socks that are all frilly at the top. You get my point. We are also, apparently, little law abiders.(I'm not saying that we don't, but I'm saying that we're not high-and-mighty).

If you're homeschooled: You wear your pj's all day(only sometimes, gosh), you watch tv all day(no, that's not having an education), and do school on your bed(okay, that one is spot on...). Apparently, you also have FRICKIN HIGH STANDARDS. And you've never been on a roller coaster. And you worship Hitler(I've actually had someone ask me that once). The assumptions are ridiculous.

If you belong in a large family: You all share underwear(bull), you shop at thrift stores(which is cool), you drive a short bus(...), you're loud, your house is a WRECK, and your parents are lunatics that can't handle you or remember your name.

I have a piece of mind to share with you. I quite enjoy jello and funeral potatoes, because I'm human. However, I have had neither today. AM I NO LONGER A MORMON!?! ;) And the clothes...I don't even OWN a turtle neck, and it goes the same for the rest of the "mormon" clothing. (my dad wears socks and sandals, but he's classy. ;) ) I am law abiding. However, I speed. I've broken a few minor laws, of which I will not go into at this moment. That's need-to-know.

I have not worn my pajamas all day in eons, with the exception of when I'm sick and bed ridden. I never watch tv. And I only do school on my bed 25% of the time. I also have high standards, but not to the point where I refuse to kiss boys or wear a swim suit. There is moderation in all things. I have not only been on *A* roller coaster, but multiple, and I quite enjoy them. And Hitler....do I really have to clarify that? (no, I'm not a Nazi.)

I have MY OWN UNDERWEAR. I've never shared, and never will. Thrift stores are the frickin bomb. I've gotten some of the best stuff ever at those places. One mans trash is another mans treasure. If you're too high and mighty to shop at a thrift store...you have problems. GO SAVE MONEY. A "short bus" is the only thing  big enough to fit my whole family. Deal with it. Our house is NOT a wreck. Cheaper by the dozen makes big families look bad(I love that movie, don't get me wrong). My parents are wonderful and not only PARENT wonderfully, but they LOVE us. Sometimes people forget names. Heck, I do it all the time. To my FRIENDS. It happens. Yes, I've been called the dogs name. No, I don't care.

So, this became much more of a rant than I originally planned. So sue me.

Generalize me, I'll generalize you. As a butt head.

Way to be, bro.

Sometimes, the best way to express yourself is through music. I make playlists. Who doesn't? I usually do when I get into a relationship, among other things.

Stuff has happened. And I don't feel like writing about it, for multiple reasons. So, this will have to compensate.

Here is my latest playlist. I am highly unoriginal.

We are never ever getting back together ~ Taylor Swift

Ignorance ~ Paramore

The Story of Us ~ Taylor Swift

Gives you Hell ~ All-American Rejects

50 Ways to say Goodbye ~ Train

Whiplash ~ Selena Gomez

Gonna Get Over You ~ Sara Bareilles

Single Ladies ~ Beyonce

Forget You ~ Cee Lo Green

My Happy Ending ~ Avril Lavigne

According to You ~ Orianthi

Picture to Burn ~ Taylor Swift

That's What You Get ~ Paramore

Last Kiss ~ Taylor Swift

Decoy ~ Paramore

Long Live ~ Taylor Swift

All We Know ~ Paramore

No Hope ~ Kylar Gardner

White Horse ~ Taylor Swift

The light at the end of the tunnel looks kinda like a train...

Stress is everywhere. It can't be avoided. It piles up outside your front door, applying constant pressure, waiting for a slight crack to appear, do it can force its way into your life. Stress comes with about 470348 different things. And it's kind of hard to not always feel stressed.

Allow me to elaborate.

I'm a senior in high school. That in itself is kind of stressful. I'm making decisions about college, education, friends, etc. things that really make an impact on me and my life.

I am taking 9 classes. Or, I was until yesterday. Classes started on Wednesday. So I'd has 3 days of classes, and I was already struggling somewhat. I'd made this schedule for myself, which was sort of like a written death sentence, that I'd been following religiously. So, my parents pulled me aside yesterday and expressed their concern. With all of my classes, I have no time to work. If I don't work, I don't go to college, which makes the 9 classes sort of pointless. My family is full of problem solvers. When I say that, I mean my parents. We discussed finances and figured out a good way to get some income. We decided to drop two classes and then take them next summer. I'll still graduate, it'll just be a little bit later down the path. Which is okay with me, as long as it spares some tears.

College. Allow me to shove my face in a pillow and scream for a few minutes. To say I'm stressed about this decision would be an understatement. I keep changing the schools I'm applying to. I keep adding or taking away different schools. In July, Helen and I made a list of 7 schools we were both going to apply to.
Western Washington University
University of Oregon
California State- Chico
California State- Sacramento
Central Washington University
Washington State University
Humboldt university

These are all great schools. And they all had a combination of the majors we both wanted.

Then I applied for the ACT. And I was sending the scores to the schools, I decided I needed to narrow it down. I did some thinking, analyzing, and decided on the following list.
University of Oregon
BYU
Cornish college for the arts
Weber state
WWU.

I was content with it. I filled out applications for most of those. Everything was going okay. Helen and I were still applying for 3 of the same schools.

Then I spoke with my mom. And we decided 3 colleges was enough. It gave me enough options.
Weber
BYU
WWU.

Allow me to scream into my pillow again.

I suck at making decisions. I'm persuaded easily. I can never make up my mind. I can have a thousand people's opinions in my head and the only thing I can do about them is cry. Cry and wish they'd go away. I know I'm not the only senior to feel like this, but it doesn't make it any less hard for me. Maybe I'm just a big complainer and I should shut up now.

Life is stressful. The sooner you realize it, the happier/unhappier you'll be. You choose.

Clap your hands if you wear sunscreen!

The past two weeks, some of my dearest friends have been at camp. Without me. How dare they, you say? I concur. However, there was nothing to be done. Instead of camping with them, I went with my family for the past few days. And it was fun. Lots of water, and LOTS of sun. To show you how much FUN I had, I'm uploading a picture for your viewing pleasure.

Now, notice that the tan*cough* sunburn, looks...strange. Yes, that's a circle.

Go ahead. Scratch your heads for a minute.

Now I'll explain.

For the past 4 ish months, I've been having lung/breathing problems. It isn't asthma. We have yet to discover to source. To help me breathe, I wear "patches" on either side of my chest. They work like acupuncture, relieving stress and restoring breath, hallelujah. I don't wear them every day, but I do when I'm struggling particularly hard. The other day was one such day. And I kinda spent all day outside...without sunscreen. Smaaaaaaart Aurora...anyway. This is the lovely result.

Now, I give you permission to laugh. Let's hope it fades fast.

Williamsburg Academy

School is around the corner. For most people, it started this week. For me, it starts in a week and a half. And the thought of school got me thinking. I have mixed feelings about the start of school. See, school usually means seeing your friends right? Not for me. Not necessarily. Because Williamsburg is an ONLINE school, my friend time is...limited, to say the least.

Now, my school has so many perks. I mean, I get the BEST education. And I have WONDERFUL friends that I wouldn't trade for anything. They just all live around the world. Which has it's ups and downs. I have traveled places that I probably wouldn't have at this age. It's great to have these wonderful travels and adventures.

What sucks about my relationships is that I never have anyone to hang out with. I'll go through my phone on a Friday night and every person I want to hang out with, lives 600 + miles away. It kinda sucks.

But then the times that you DO get to see them. Those times are so much more special. You cherish them so much more. When your best friend lives down the street, you start to take it for granted. See, when you have to carefully plan when your friends are coming to visit, you appreciate your friends more, and you appreciate the times you have together more.

I'm not saying that I like not living near all my friends. But I'm not saying its the worst thing ever. Because of my school, I've been able to meet do many amazing people that I wouldn't know otherwise. I mean, a normal 17 year old doesn't have a best friend in Anchorage, a best friend in Nome(also Alaska, btw), a best friend in Vegas, Idaho, St. George, Japan, Cali, Arizona, Texas, I mean, come on. I live in New Mexico, and my best friends aren't here. it's not ordinary. But that doesn't mean it's not great sometimes. I'm starting to ramble and I apologize. I'll just say this: my school is awesome and the opportunities i've had and the people I've met because of it are irreplaceable and wonderful.

Empathy and an Alaskan

I am an extrovert. Very much so. I possess very few introverted qualities. That being said, you'd assume that I have a surplus of friends. However, that is not the case. I have a small handful of friends, and a very small fraction of those friends I trust with everything.

Even after explaining that, you may be surprised to find out that my best friend lives in Alaska. And even more surprised to realize that, until Friday the 29th, yes that was just over a week ago, I had never met my best friend.

However, within 5 minutes, it was like I'd known her my whole life, and our comfort level increased rapidly throughout the past 10 days.

We did a lot of things together. A lot. However, there were a few that stood out, that were real signs of friendship for me.

Before I tell you the first example, I have to explain something. Otherwise, the first example will have absolutely no value to you.

I believe, very strongly, that certain parts of your body tell stories. The past, the present, but not the future. This past may, I was driving home from a camping trip with two close friends. And one of them began explaining that the creases/lines on your wrists tell the stories of friendship. You're all welcome to try to inspect yours, but without someone showing you how to bend it, it may be difficult. Anywho, everyone has a large crease right where your hand and wrist meet. That crease represents God, because he will always be your friend, and he'll be there no matter what. After that, everyone's lines are different. We were comparing lines and such, and guessing at who represented which line and so on.

K. Now I'll continue with my story. So, just a few days ago, I'm sitting under the pavilion in the pouring rain, sitting next to Helen. Now, that girl can tell when I'm lying a mile away. I was in the process of telling her what was on my mind and why I wasn't doing so dandy. I had just finished telling her about my problems trusting people too easily, why most of my friendships didn't last, and things of that nature. I was explaining the wrist story to her, and I pulled my sweat shirt away from my wrist and simply stated, "...and I looked down at my wrist, and all I saw was a bunch of broken lines." and I struggled to hold back tears. As I buried my face in my hands, I felt her hand slowly rubbing my back. Once I had gotten control of my self, I continued with my explanation of trust. As I concluded with my feelings of worthlessness and my reasons why, I started bawling. She wrapped her arms around me and stated, "I know I can be a sucky friend. And I know I can't always be there to pass you a box of tissues and a tub of ice cream. But I am gonna try my damn hardest to be there as much as I can, to show you that you are worth something." When she pulled away, we both wiped away our tears. Can I just say, I have never been more grateful for a friend in my entire life.

There was a time where we were laying in bed, listening to music. She had been having a hard night and I could see she was crying. I knew that it wasn't the time nor the place to say anything, so I simply reached over and rubbed her arm and cried softly with her. It was the strongest sense of empathy I have ever experienced.

The purpose of this post is simply this: true friends are few and far between, but the ones you have are worth it, no matter the physical distance. I'm not upset that I can count on 1 hand how many "true" friends I have. I consider myself to he truly blessed. And having friends that live so far away makes me appreciate them so much more when I do get to see them.

I know I didn't mention any of my other friends in this post, but that is simply because I felt like speaking of this past week, nothing from the past. :)

Helen, I love you. Fffffft.

Don't ever grow up.

As I was sitting in church today, my attention was briefly drawn to two boys sitting in the row in front of me. Their dad was called as Bishop last week, and I could see him with an almost strained smile when he would look at them. It was sortof adorable in a disruptive way, if you know what I mean. During prayer, they were whispering and giggling, and at one point, the younger of the two boys shoved his socked foot into his brothers face, laughing obnoxiously. At this point, their mother sat in between them.
This sorta got me thinking. These boys are both under 10. They have little to no worries in their lives. And for about an hour, I was envious of their innocence and young age. My life ain't a cake-walk. It's not super easy. It's sure as heck confusing. And the stress of school sometimes makes me want to weep and then die.
But I digress.
This isn't the first time I've wished I hadn't grown up. Come on. Who hasn't wished that? It was easy. You didn't worry about your acne, your waistline, your hair color. You didn't worry about having a boyfriend. You didn't have drama with other girls. It was just...easy.
After thinking about this for a minute, I realized that, maybe I'm glad I grew up. All of the stress and drama aside, being "grown up" is pretty great. Boys are getting to be mature. Lemme tell ya, that's fabulous. ;) I have a job. I'm going to college. I have freedoms. I can govern myself. I can BE myself. I mean, even though life is kinda hard, it's pretty dang fabulous. Sure, there are things that I sorta wish I could change. But there are somethings I wouldn't give up for anything, not even a stress free life.

Anyone who's anyone(just kidding), will know the Taylor Swift song "Never Grow Up". Whenever I hear this song, I think of my 3 year old sister. She is so young, so innocent, so flippin adorable, that it kills me to think of her going through the stress and heartbreak of being older. But, since growing up is inevitable, I want to be an example. The epitome of success. I want to show her that you can make it through. Ya know? I want to show her that, although I don't want her to grow up, that it isn't so bad. That you can make it through. Because getting to that end goal? Yeah, that's gonna be awesome. I mean, we're all gonna meet that special someone, and begin your life with them. And then you'll retire with that someone. And you'll die with that someone.
AND-- every struggle and trial makes you a stronger and better person.