Empathy and an Alaskan

I am an extrovert. Very much so. I possess very few introverted qualities. That being said, you'd assume that I have a surplus of friends. However, that is not the case. I have a small handful of friends, and a very small fraction of those friends I trust with everything.

Even after explaining that, you may be surprised to find out that my best friend lives in Alaska. And even more surprised to realize that, until Friday the 29th, yes that was just over a week ago, I had never met my best friend.

However, within 5 minutes, it was like I'd known her my whole life, and our comfort level increased rapidly throughout the past 10 days.

We did a lot of things together. A lot. However, there were a few that stood out, that were real signs of friendship for me.

Before I tell you the first example, I have to explain something. Otherwise, the first example will have absolutely no value to you.

I believe, very strongly, that certain parts of your body tell stories. The past, the present, but not the future. This past may, I was driving home from a camping trip with two close friends. And one of them began explaining that the creases/lines on your wrists tell the stories of friendship. You're all welcome to try to inspect yours, but without someone showing you how to bend it, it may be difficult. Anywho, everyone has a large crease right where your hand and wrist meet. That crease represents God, because he will always be your friend, and he'll be there no matter what. After that, everyone's lines are different. We were comparing lines and such, and guessing at who represented which line and so on.

K. Now I'll continue with my story. So, just a few days ago, I'm sitting under the pavilion in the pouring rain, sitting next to Helen. Now, that girl can tell when I'm lying a mile away. I was in the process of telling her what was on my mind and why I wasn't doing so dandy. I had just finished telling her about my problems trusting people too easily, why most of my friendships didn't last, and things of that nature. I was explaining the wrist story to her, and I pulled my sweat shirt away from my wrist and simply stated, "...and I looked down at my wrist, and all I saw was a bunch of broken lines." and I struggled to hold back tears. As I buried my face in my hands, I felt her hand slowly rubbing my back. Once I had gotten control of my self, I continued with my explanation of trust. As I concluded with my feelings of worthlessness and my reasons why, I started bawling. She wrapped her arms around me and stated, "I know I can be a sucky friend. And I know I can't always be there to pass you a box of tissues and a tub of ice cream. But I am gonna try my damn hardest to be there as much as I can, to show you that you are worth something." When she pulled away, we both wiped away our tears. Can I just say, I have never been more grateful for a friend in my entire life.

There was a time where we were laying in bed, listening to music. She had been having a hard night and I could see she was crying. I knew that it wasn't the time nor the place to say anything, so I simply reached over and rubbed her arm and cried softly with her. It was the strongest sense of empathy I have ever experienced.

The purpose of this post is simply this: true friends are few and far between, but the ones you have are worth it, no matter the physical distance. I'm not upset that I can count on 1 hand how many "true" friends I have. I consider myself to he truly blessed. And having friends that live so far away makes me appreciate them so much more when I do get to see them.

I know I didn't mention any of my other friends in this post, but that is simply because I felt like speaking of this past week, nothing from the past. :)

Helen, I love you. Fffffft.

Don't ever grow up.

As I was sitting in church today, my attention was briefly drawn to two boys sitting in the row in front of me. Their dad was called as Bishop last week, and I could see him with an almost strained smile when he would look at them. It was sortof adorable in a disruptive way, if you know what I mean. During prayer, they were whispering and giggling, and at one point, the younger of the two boys shoved his socked foot into his brothers face, laughing obnoxiously. At this point, their mother sat in between them.
This sorta got me thinking. These boys are both under 10. They have little to no worries in their lives. And for about an hour, I was envious of their innocence and young age. My life ain't a cake-walk. It's not super easy. It's sure as heck confusing. And the stress of school sometimes makes me want to weep and then die.
But I digress.
This isn't the first time I've wished I hadn't grown up. Come on. Who hasn't wished that? It was easy. You didn't worry about your acne, your waistline, your hair color. You didn't worry about having a boyfriend. You didn't have drama with other girls. It was just...easy.
After thinking about this for a minute, I realized that, maybe I'm glad I grew up. All of the stress and drama aside, being "grown up" is pretty great. Boys are getting to be mature. Lemme tell ya, that's fabulous. ;) I have a job. I'm going to college. I have freedoms. I can govern myself. I can BE myself. I mean, even though life is kinda hard, it's pretty dang fabulous. Sure, there are things that I sorta wish I could change. But there are somethings I wouldn't give up for anything, not even a stress free life.

Anyone who's anyone(just kidding), will know the Taylor Swift song "Never Grow Up". Whenever I hear this song, I think of my 3 year old sister. She is so young, so innocent, so flippin adorable, that it kills me to think of her going through the stress and heartbreak of being older. But, since growing up is inevitable, I want to be an example. The epitome of success. I want to show her that you can make it through. Ya know? I want to show her that, although I don't want her to grow up, that it isn't so bad. That you can make it through. Because getting to that end goal? Yeah, that's gonna be awesome. I mean, we're all gonna meet that special someone, and begin your life with them. And then you'll retire with that someone. And you'll die with that someone.
AND-- every struggle and trial makes you a stronger and better person.

Magically wonderful things

This is about the time that I get on here to complain about stuff. However, you're all in for a treat. Instead of complaining, I'm going to tell you about some magically wonderful things.

I start my story/list/reminiscing/whateveryouwanttocallit 15 days ago.
Sunday: I board a plane and fly to Vegas, where I see Rebekah, whom I had never met. It was super exciting. We stayed up til 3 am-ish playing bowling. We were super hyper and obnoxious and it was wonderful.
Monday: We went to the hoover dam, the wax museum, we bought $20 of candy at a candy store, rode gondolas, went to Phantom of the Opera, went to dinner at 1 am, got the black plague on our feet, and it was just amazing. I can not express how fabulous this day was. It was pure bliss and wonderfulness. Take your best day with your best friend and you have an inkling of this day.
Tuesday: I arrived at Elevation. I missed Beka. This begins my 5 days of emotional stress. I was the photographer. Although this week was fun, it was hard.
Wednesday: This was challenge day. I didn't talk for a whole hour to challenge myself. I watched my friends in emotional and physical pain.
Thursday: Nothing exciting.
Friday: Nothing exciting.
Saturday: Elevation ends. I was tired. I saw Rebekah and instantly got hyper. We drove to the airport and Layne picked me up. I went to her house, showered(i love showers after Elevation, although the water runs off brown), went out to eat, and watched an episode of psych on the floor of the brown room, snuggling with a large teddy bear.
Sunday: I went to church, took a nap, then went to the Lamb of God, which was beautiful. Theeennn it gets good. As soon as the Lamb of God is over, Layne's older sister and I head to the bus station to pick up Casey, whom I haven't seen in a year. I wanted to cry. We ate dinner, and then walked around the temple, talking. When Layne got home, we walked around the temple again. Then we all decided sleep was a good idea.
Monday: We left by 8:30 to get to Elevation. The drive itself was pretty great. We got split into pods, and we did our deals.
Tuesday: Challenge day. Let's just say that I rock climbed twice, rappelled, and ascended, among other things. I was proud.
Wednesday: Simulation. Service Project. Stuff.
Thursday: Solo time for 3 hours. It was awesome.
Friday: We left Elevation. And we went to the strip. And got slushies at 7 11. And we watched psych til 4 am. And it was beyond words, one of the best nights of my life. I'll spare you the details for multiple reasons.
Saturday: I had to watch one of my best friends, Casey, leave. I don't know how long it will be til I see him again. I wept. A lot. Layne and I went hiking to clear our minds, took a nap upon our return home(Yes, I consider her house my home...one of them), and then went to the Stratosphere. Lemme tell you, it was awesome.
Sunday: I left. I wept. I came home, and napped. I sulked.


I have a lot of things I could say. There are a lot of things I *want* to say. However, I don't know how. So, you'll have to make yourself content with this pathetic excuse for a post.

Au revoir.

7 years of pure *insert adjective here*

Sometimes...sometimes you feel like the world is falling on top of you. I know I'm a 'teenager' and I'm prone to thinking that the world revolves around me and blowing problems out of proportion.

At a church event, a leader made a timeline on the chalkboard. There were 14 'sections'. Each stood for 7 years. The first segment was from birth to your 7th birthday, the second until you were 14, and so on, adding 7 years to each segment. The third segment, from ages 14-21, was 'the most important'. Now stop and think about this. You'd think, at least I did, that it would be the 4th or 5th. Or possibly the 10th. During the 4th and 5th you're building a family and a career. In the 10th, you see your posterity and that's pretty important. But I bit my tongue and let him explain. And as he explained, I began to agree.

A short time before the third segment starts, your 14th birthday, you're surrounded by peer pressure and decisions. When you're 14, you start going to high school. You are surrounded by a LOT of opinions, a LOT of decisions. You start dating shortly after. You pick your friends. Many people pick a spouse at the end of this segment, which is a big deal. You're choosing who to spend the rest of your life/eternity(if you believe in that) with.

Are you starting to see the significance?

With all the pressures from ALL sides, it's hard to figure out who you are. It's HARD to avoid peer pressure. It's HARD to pick good friends. It's HARD to decide who to date. It's HARD to be a teenager. Some people use this as an excuse for stupid things they do. We all abuse that. I'm surely guilty of it. But that's not my point. What I'm saying is, that we as teens make a lot of pivotal points at this age and THIS segment affects our life more than ANY other segment of our lives. If you hang out with the wrong people, you could wreck your life. I don't mean that in a BAD way, but I'm saying...if you spend your time with druggies...your life doesn't look super promising. I'm not judging, however. You want to do that, go ahead. I'm not stopping you.

This is not a post about how the world revolves around me. This is not a post about my complaints. This is not a post about my excuses. This is a post about my views and my opinions.

As aforementioned, sometimes your world begins to crush you. This is usually RIGHT around the time when I feel like this. It's finals. I'm stressed. Aren't we all? I'm worried about money because college is just around the corner. Aren't we all? I'm worried about my friends, for multiple reasons. I'm worried about decisions I've made. Stupid ones. Good ones. Things I regret. I'm starting a job, and planning for that takes time and stress. Oftentimes, we feel as tho there are MANY things crushing us. But when my lovely headmaster pulls up the slide in class that says, "FINALS", I groan loudly and hide under my desk. I don't want to face them. I feel super accomplished at the end of finals, especially when it means 4 1/2 months of freedom. However, EVERY problem that comes up at this point feels like it's blown out of proportion. A lot.

Can't everyone put the drama at the BACK of the top shelf and shut the door? Can you just walk away? Would you STOP complaining about your life? I know I'm one to talk. My problems aren't that big, in retrospect. My problems are just as big as yours. They may be different. I might not be able to relate too well.  I really shouldn't get angry for you having blessings that I don't have, because I have blessings you don't have.

But I digress.

I'm at a crucial stage of life. I'm 17. I'm dating. I'm forging friendships. I'm deciding what to study. My habits, in exercise/eating/time management/studying, will stick with me for the rest of my life. I'm already stressed. When you realize that you might just be messing up your life and hurting your future, it adds to stress.

This past week, starting last monday, has been one of those weeks. Where I can reeaalllyyy feel the stress of my relationships, study habits, and EVERY THING ELSE just beating down on the back of my neck.

Summer, please come quickly.

And while you're at it, I wouldn't mind the beginning of stage 4.

Dear Friend...

So, everyone has challenging times in their lives. Everyone. It's just part of life. In the past few months, I've needed a lot of support from my friends. And in the past few weeks, I've been able to repay some of my friends through supporting them.
Now, I can never repay my friends back. Never ever. They've been there for me in ways that I can't be there for them. And that's ok.
This is a little....thing, that I put together in tribute to my friends. Certain friends. Now, yes, I stole this idea from my friend, Helen. She mushes a bunch of song lyrics together to make letters to her boyfriend, and I decided to do this, only for my friends.

Kudos if you can name every song it's from.

Dear Friend,

Friday night beneath the stars, in a field behind your yard, you and I are painting pictures in the sky. You’ve got a million ways to make me laugh. You’re lookin’ out for me, you’ve got my back, so good to have you around.

 If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can’t see, I’ll be the light to guide you. When you’re down and troubled and need a helping hand, and nothing, no nothing is going right. Close your eyes and think of me and soon I’ll be there to brighten up even your darkest nights. You can run into my arms. It’s okay, don’t be alarmed, come into me. Call me, if you need a friend.

You’re a true friend. You’re here til the end. You’ve stood by me, I’m happy at home with you. You’re my best friend. When I lose the will to win, I just reach for you and I can reach the sky again. I can do anything cuz your love is so amazing, cuz your love inspires me. I know when I need it I can count on you like 4, 3, 2, and you’ll be there, cuz that’s what friends are supposed to do.

When I’m with anybody else, it’s so hard to be myself. Only you can tell. That I’m only up when you’re not down, don’t wanna fly if you’re still on the ground. Hey, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend? People can be so cold. Now that it’s raining more than ever, know that we still have each other. For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain, for truth that will never change for someone to lean on.

You can count on me, cuz I can count on you.

Love, Aurora

So the question is...

I know I've mentioned this before, in a similar post, but recently I've been contemplating this a lot. I mean, I'm a girl. We think about a few things. Boys, chocolate, and our appearance.
Ok, that's a lie. We think about 23420394578 things at once, but these are the most common.

Now, there is a LOT of pressure from the world on appearances. I mean, go look at ANY magazine. Do you see pictures of people with acne? Do you see people with dumb expressions and hobo clothes? No. So people, mainly teens, are pressured into looking a certain way. To follow the trends and dress like everyone else. And you feel like, to be beautiful, you have to do your hair/makeup a certain way, and you have to dress a certain way.
Before I go further I will point out that, yes, if you shower, put on a cute pair of underwear, a nice dress, and do your makeup, chances are that you'll feel more beautiful than if you didn't shower and wore sweats and your own filth.

And this brings me to my point...

There are occasions where I look like an absolute bum. I mean, it's one of those days when I refuse to look in a mirror. I'm breaking out, wearing zero makeup, no shower that morning, bangs pulled back, and wearing baggy and sorta stinky sweats. It's just not a good looking day. EVERY girl has those days. You just don't want to put forth the effort. And on these days we try not to let people see us, am I right girls? We hole up in our houses and ignore people. I have these days often, to put it lightly.
Very recently, there was a day like this. I felt disgusting. And I looked it. However, unexpectedly, I saw someone very close to me. A boy. ;) At first I was embarrassed, because I was aware of the way I looked. But the way this boy looked at me made me totally forget what I looked like. And after he left and I saw myself in the mirror I was appalled that I hadn't felt ugly for the few hours I'd been in his presence.
Another quick comment before I reveal my over-all point to you.
My mother and I were talking about what a "perfect being" would be. In some cultures, beauty looks different. In different ages, beauty looked VERY different. She pointed out that once there was a queen that had a balding "forehead", and so every woman in that kingdom would pluck the hair off the front of her head to be "beautiful". To me, that sounds ugly. Because I've been fed a different idea of beauty.
Then again, beauty is objective, is it not? Some girls wear clothes that I look at with disgust, because it's not what *I* think is beautiful. I just don't think it is. But they sure as heck think it is.
So this brings me to my point.

My question is...is beauty just a feeling? Or maybe that should be a statement. Beauty is just a feeling. When I was with said boy, I felt sooo beautiful. He looked at me as if I was just stunning. And I felt like I was. But by the worlds standards, I wasn't. And those girls who wear clothes I think are strange? They probably feel beautiful. In their way.
And again, we are our own worst critics. I wear contacts most of the time, but when I wear glasses, I feel somewhat ugly. But other people see me and say that I'm adorable. And so beauty is objective, and beauty is a feeling, in my opinion.

Think about that.

Too cool for facebook

K. So...these things are always cicrulating facebook. And I hate following the crowd and making one of those notes that no one looks at and no one cares about. What's the difference? No one's gonna care here. Yeah, but at least it's different. So...deal with it.




1. Last hug to: Abi
2. Last phone call to: Helen
3. Last message to: Nainoa
4. Last song you heard: "Last Friday Night"
5. Last time you cried: last week

Have you ever:
6. Dated someone twice: Sorta
7. Been cheated on: Not exactly
9. Lost someone special: Yes...
10. Been depressed: Mmhmm

List three favorite colors:
11: Purrrple
12: Green
13: Annnd Blue

This year have you:
15. Made a new friend: Yes
16. Fallen out of love: No...
17. Laughed until you cried: Soooo often
18. Met someone who changed you: Yes
19. Found out who your true friends were: Mmhmm
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Uh...Yes
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: *cough*

Your life:
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Most of em.
23. How many kids do you want: 5
24. Do you have any pets: A dog, and a ratdemon
25. Do you want to change your name: I freakin love my name
26. What did you do for your last Birthday : I ate dinner and cake with my family and Nainoa...
27. What time did you wake up today: 5:30. :P
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Catchin some zs.
29. Name something you cannot wait for: Phaaantooom offf the opppeerraaa. 25 days. :)
30. Last time you saw your mother: 50 minutes ago...ish.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Um...I kinda wish my singing was recognized...
32. What are you listening to right now: My annoying teachers voice.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yess...
34. Who's getting on your nerves right now: Mrs. Jones
36. Whats your real name: Uh...Aurora?
37. Nicknames: Cookie Monster, BEFOAT, Rora, Fatgirl, Sprinkle Bum, Sprinkle Fairy, Giraffe.
38. Relationship Status: ...it's complicated.
37. Height: 5' 7 1/2"
38. Do you have a crush on someone: NO I HAVE NO FEELINGS. Duh.
39. What do you like about yourself: My eyes. My voice.
40. Piercings: ears
41. Tattoos: I'm not legally aloud to tell you.
42. Righty or lefty: Riighty

Firsts:
43. First surgery: None.
44. First piercing: Ears
45. First best friend: Liz
46.First sport you joined: ballet?
47. First vacation: *snort* Utah

Right now:
48. Eating: Air
49. Drinking: Spiiit
50. I'm about to: Pull out my hair
51. Listening to: An annoying girl in my class who shows people her nostrils unintentionally.
52. Waiting for: April 29th

Your future:
53. Want kids: Yess
54. Get married: Heck freakin yes
55. Career: Undecided...

Which is better:
56. Lips or eyes: Eyes.
58. Shorter or taller: Taller, or else I feel like a giant...
59. Older or Younger: Olderr
60. Romantic or spontaneous: I can choose neither, since I like both.
61. Nice stomach or nice arms: both are necessary. ;)
62. Sensitive or loud: Both...

Have you ever:
64. Kissed a stranger: Uh....yes.
65. Broken someone's heart: That's a possibility.
66. Been arrested: Ha.
67. Turned someone down: Nooo...yes.
68. Cried when someone died: Mmhmm
69. fallen for a friend: *hangs head in shame*

Do you believe in:
70. Yourself: sometimes
71. Miracles: yes
72. Love at first sight: No. Like at first sight, yes.
73. Kiss on the first date: It deepeennds.

Answer truthfully:
74. Had more than 1 girlfriend at a time: Well, let me think. I am a girl, and not homo. So no.
75. Did you sing today: Dude. When am I *not* singing. *Starts singing gaga songs*
76. Is there one person you want to be with right now: Very much so.
77. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: A little less than a year.
78. Are you afraid of falling in love: Yes and No.
79. Do you like the way you look: Half the time.
80. Something you've always wanted to say/truth: Awkward....